Guess which girl is addicted to sledding?

Yeah. This girl.

My cousins and I went sledding again earlier. I love the thrill of sliding down the hill, with bits of snow flying on my face, while my heart palpitates with the sheer excitement of it. Sensha na. Mababaw lang talaga kaligayahan ng babaeng ito.

I think I've said it before here in my blog. I take pleasure in simple things. Well, of course sledding isn't really a simple ordinary thing for me, esp. that I grew up in a tropical country where we don't sled.

I almost didn't go with my cousins today coz I have school later at night. But with my little cousin's pleadings (please, please, please, pretty please?... I love you Ate, come with us please?, who could resist such a sweet boy like him, huh? Not me. Hehe. (just goes to show how easily I can get persuaded into doing something. Translation: madaling mabola. hehe)

Afterwards, we went to my cousins' house where we ate pizza and drank some hot cocoa. Sarap mag-bonding. Kasama ko mga bata kaya ayan feeling bata pa rin talaga ako. hehe.

***
I love the sight of snow. Really. I know a lot of people hate it. But I just love it. I wish I am a poet so I could easily describe how beautiful it is as you see it clinging on roofs of houses, or on trees, or on posts. I love the whiteness of it. Snow is beautiful.

***
Three guys already told me that I'm unfair. Darn.

NO matter how many times I explain my side to them, they still get to the same conclusion: THAT I AM UNFAIR.

Maybe they're right. Heck, I know they're right. But I can't do what they're suggesting. I don't want to hurt anyone. I do know how it feels to get hurt. It sucks big time. But I also know how it feels to hurt someone, even though you don't have any choice but to hurt that person. It's not a good feeling, and it's not good for the conscience either.

But they do have a point: that there's no use dragging it for a long time, coz it would only hurt that person twice as much.

But I don't have the guts to do it. I would rather continue with this farce rather than hurt him....

***
I love Friendster. I really do. Imagine seeing and gaining contact with long-lost friends... people who has seen you grow up, but you had lost contact when you went to college...

Makikita mo yung mga classmates mo nung grade school and high school, then malalaman mo kung ano na nangyayari sa buhay nila... you'll find out some are already married (yeah, can you beleive nakita ko yung high school crush ko, as in THAT guy who made my knees so weak whenever he flashes his smile at me or basta mapatingin lang sya sa akin, married na pala! waah! sya laman ng aking childhood fantasies! that guy, married?!!! waah!), you'll find out some are also living in the States na rin like you, you'll find out ano na mga works nila sa Pilipinas, kung graduate na sila...

Ang sarap pala ng feeling na, you know, you'll learn what happened to people you've known 10 years ago that you had lost contact na nga. Basta. the best ang friendster. :)

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ISh-now!!!


I went sledding with my brother and cousins last night. Grabe, ang saya. The best yun a. Bakit walang snow sa Philippines? I missed a lot during my childhood. Hehe. Kaya eto ngayon ako, feeling bata pa rin. Pero promise ang saya mag-sled. Wanna do it again and again and again.

Kaso bummer nga lang ang lamig. Kung pwede nga lang takpan buo kong face para d malamigan gagawin ko. We were sledding for two hours and sa two hours na yun my face was so numb I couldn't feel anything.

Pero all in all, masaya. :) Sa susunod skiing naman. Yay.

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Dear L. V.,

I remember telling you a lot of times how refreshing you are. You asked me what I meant by that, and I think I didn't give justice to my answer.

So here's my letter telling you what I meant by that.

When I said you are refreshing, I meant you are a refreshing change from all the men I know, be it my father, my brother, my cousins, my boyfriend and my guy friends. I've known you for only a month but somehow through our conversations I know that you're different from all these men I know.

You believe in love, you believe in relationships, you believe that you would only kiss a girl on the lips because of love.

I think once I already told you I don't really believe in love. At an early stage in my life, something happened to me that made me doubt fairy tales and happily-ever-afters. Or maybe I do believe in love but I don't believe that love could lasts forever. After all, a lot of things can happen between now and forever. And furthermore, I believe that forever is just a word. Forever doesn't exist in real life.

You can't really blame me for not believing in love and in relationships. I already told you about my life, about my father and about my relationship with my boyfriend right? Somehow through all these experiences I had (I'm not saying I had a lot, but in those few that I have experienced), I had become somewhat of a cynic. How can I believe that love could really lasts forever when everything that surrounds me says otherwise?

Last night when I told you about my dad, I know you didn't hear the tremor in my voice. I told you the whole story, I told you everything, and I even laughed about it. But let me tell you a secret. Tears were on the verge of falling while I was talking to you. But I controlled them, and like everything else I do in life, I hid behind this tough facade.

You wondered how I could take what he's doing. Well, I guess, it is true sometimes that a pain dulls through time. I've known about my dad's infidelity for a long time now. The first time I've learned of it I was miserable, yes, but like all bruises, I healed through time. Or maybe not really healed, maybe I've just become numb by all of it. And somehow through the years, I had learned to accept it. I know it's not right, but that's life, and that what happened to my family happens to almost every other family in the world.

While I and everyone around me is jaded about love, you say you believe in it. That's refreshing really. Somehow I hope that nothing and no one taints your belief in it. I hope you don't lose your idealism. It's nice to know there are still men like you. And it's nice that I have you as a friend. Who knows, your idealism might rub off on me, then maybe somehow through you, I could believe in fairy tales and happily- ever-afters once again...

yours,
Joyce

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No Chocolates For This Lady Now

Gotta lay off on sweet temptation now.

It's not good for me anyway. Will only gain extra pounds, pounds that I don't need right now, thank you very much.

But the real reason I hafta slow down on my intake of those deliciously sweet yummy sinful chocolates is reflected on my face. Darn, been growing zits left and right because these past few days I eat chocolates like there's no tomorrow.

Now I need to resort to drastic measures to remove these ugly zits on my face. Drastic measures, as in I need to see a dermatologist right away. (ang arte no? hehe)

***
I think I'll be needing glasses soon. I get frequent headaches every time I sit down in front of my computer. Argh. I hate wearing glasses.

***
Been watching those old episodes of Friends. They never fail to make me laugh real hard.

***
I've decided. I'm no risk taker after all.

No tongue piercing for me.

Thanks Princess for the warnings. After all that you just told me, no way am I gonna put my tongue under that needle!

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School

Went to school last night.

It was okay.

As I was heading to school, Lester called me up, asked me if I was scared.

Yeah, at that time I was a little bit scared. Scared because I do not know what to expect.

But once I got into the classroom, taken my seat, all my fear vanished into thin air. It was just like those times back in college, except that now I'm not wearing that white blouse, and blue skirt, and now I'm the only Asian surrounded with redheads, blondes and blacks.

Not bad.

***

Last night I dreamt of you.
It was scary, for even in my dreams you follow me...
You held my hand and didn't let go
You looked deep in my eyes
I wonder what you saw
Did you see his image fading
And yours shining through?

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A case of LSS

This song keeps playing on my head all day long.

Moonlight Over Paris
by Vanessa Williams

You say you've been overseas
I say over where
You say just a holiday
My Alsatian heir
I say I've been working late, working overtime
Haven't seen the sun since eighty-nine

Does the moon light shine on Paris
After the sun goes down
If the London Bridge is falling
Will anybody hear a sound
If you follow the sunset will it ever end
Does the moonlight shine on Paris

Oh and how can you just walk away
Is it something that I said
I see only black and white
You see green and red
You believe in the miracles
Water into wine
I'll believe it when it makes the New York Times

Does the moonlight shine on Paris
After the sun goes down
If the London Bridge is falling
Will anybody hear a sound
If you follow the sunset will it ever end
Does the moonlight shine on Paris

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Awake and hating it

It's too early for me to be awake. Esp. on my day off.

But I don't know. I woke up around 6:30, and I couldn't go back to sleep again. What's keeping me awake? I dunno.

Maybe I'm nervous about today's first-day of class. But in all honesty, I know I'm not. I don't even feel an ounce of excitement, not like my cousin, Mag, who probably didn't sleep last night because she was too excited to go to school.

I'm not excited. I'm not nervous. I just don't feel anything about going to school again...

Maybe someone's thinking of me. Haha. Illusion, Joyce. Nice but highly unlikely.

***
Deyeypee

I called him last night. It was so nice to hear his voice again. It was so nice to laugh with an old friend. But what's so awful about calling up old friends back home is that, after you hang up the phone, you'd get this empty feeling in your heart to remind you how much you miss home. Makes you more and more homesick.

***
WWWWHHHAAAAT?????

I knew I'd get violent reactions when I'll tell friends I'd be getting my tongue pierced. What's the big deal really?

JP said go do whatever makes me happy. But I also heard things he didn't say. I know he doesn't approve.

Then when I told Wacqs about it, he went wacko. Well, I guess it was on the way I told him.

"Hey, I just had my tongue pierced."

No reaction.

"Did you hear me?

One. Two. Three. Four. Five... Si--

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? A TONGUE PIERCE? WHAT THE HELL? WHO INFLUENCED YOU TO DO THAT? DO YOU THINK YOU'RE COOL NOW THAT YOU HAVE THAT RING ON YOUR TONGUE? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU? WHY ARE YOU CHANGING SO MUCH? SANA NAMAN DI MAWALA PAGKA-FILIPINO MO. MY GOD. WERE YOU TRYING TO GO WITH THE FLOW THERE? IS THIS YOUR WAY OF TRYING TO FIT IN? KUNG ANO USO DYAN YAN ANG GAGAYAHIN MO? WHAT NEXT, A TATTOO?..."

Actaully, he said a lot more than that but I forgot them. Or I just closed my ears on him. I didn't want to hear what he was saying to me. Because they were not true. I think he even said something about how much I have changed, and that he still remembered the first time he saw me, when I walked in at their office in Camp Aguinaldo, and how simple I was then.

I didn't change. I'm still that simple girl who walked in at his office that fateful day. I'm still me. Just a different version.

I let him rant for about 30 minutes, without me saying anything. And when he lost his steam, it was my turn to have my say. Actually I didn't say a lot. I just told him I'm 21 years old, of legal age, and I know what I'm doing. And no, no one influenced me. No, it wasn't my way of trying to fit in here. No, I haven't changed. I'm still a Filipino through and through. I still retained the Filipino values instilled in me by my parents. I had my tongue pierced because I want to. There's no other reason for that.

He wanted to say a lot more, I can tell, but I cut him off -- "No, I haven't gotten a tongue pierce yet, but I'm thinking about it."

He gave a big sigh of relief. Then he begged and begged and begged me not to do it.

Did his constant pleading worked? Nope. I haven't changed my mind.

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I'm scared but I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna have my tongue pierced.

Really.

Those who knew me for a very long time would probably be very shocked right now. And they'd probably be reading my first sentence twice, and one more time to make sure they'd read it right.

I know, I know. Those who knew me for years know that I'm no risk-taker, that I'm afraid of pain, and that I'm a goody-two-shoes. So what the hell am I thinking huh?

I dunno. I just want to do it.

Geez, I'd probably be risking the wrath of my parents, my grandparents, my aunties and uncles, my boyrfriend and my friends, but I'm gonna do it. I'd probably get full-length sermons of how immature I am, being the oldest cousin here in the States, my younger cousins look up to me, and that I'd be a bad influence to them.

I don't care. I. want. to. have. my. tongue. pierced. And. I'm. gonna. do. it. Period.

The only question is when.

***
Bought my BIO and CHEM books earlier. Whew. Those books sure cost a lot, I tell you.

***
I just found out something from someone about this someone I know. (Syet! Ang gulo ko! Sorry, itatago ko talaga identity nila. It is that crucial. Pero I need to let this out, or else sasabog dibdib ko) Bakit kaya ako nalungkot? Dapat wala lang sa akin yun e. I guess reminder lang yun sa kin, and to my heart as well, don't trust syrupy words. Sweet sila pakinggan pero what's hidden behind them?

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Wow

Her posts make me want to fall in-love all over again.

After reading what she wrote in her blog, you'd get this extra nice feeling in your heart, and a wistful smile in your lips, and you sigh and be glad that all's right in the world.

She writes so well of falling in-love, that even cynics would believe it's the real thing for her.

Wow. When I read her blog, I somehow realize I've never really been in-love. Not like that.

***
I want to go out... out, as in out of this apartment and go somewhere, anywhere.

School starts this Wednesday, and I feel that between work and school, I won't have time to have fun anymore. Hay.

***
I was pretty pissed off today. No one picked me and my cousin up from work... And everyone else already went home so we couldn't hitch a ride. So what choice do we have but to walk all the way home.

It wouldn't be so bad really if it wasn't freezing and the roads weren't slippery. As it was, I had to walk real slow to avoid slipping and sliding. And my ears hurt from the cold, felt they were about to fall off. And my whole face was so numb.

What was supposed to be just a 15-minute-walk turned into a 35-minute-walk. It really pisses me off. Really.

***
The Eagles lost last night.. I was never a fan of any sport, much less of American Football. But boy oh boy, it was real fun trying to piss off my supervisors who are die-hard fans of the Eagles.

I was evil, rubbing it in for them, as I gave a big grin and asked Dan (one of my supervisors) if he cried last night. He gave me this dirty look and said no, then walked out. I cackled happily. Hehe. It was so fun to tease them.

But if I was bad, no one would be as bad as my former crushie Darand as he came in wearing a Carolina Panther's jersey and rappin' about how the Eagles sucked. It was so funny!

***
"Who me? I'm not in-love! Nakikita ko lang naman yung mukha nya sa doorknob, or sa ref pag binubuksan ko... No, d ako in-love!" --- Aaron, still in denial stage.

Yeah right, Aaron, d ka nga in-love.

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Somber Thoughts

Another resident in the hospital I work for died last night.

Maybe in my field of work, or to anyone who works in a hospital, death is just any other ordinary event. It is like it's something normal, something expected.

Will I ever get used to it? I don't know.

I was just a little suprprised at how nonchalant the nurses were when they announced the death of that resident.

"Where's Marge?," asked CNA1

"Oh, she's gone," answered CNA2, as she continued to do her work.

"Huh?", -- CNA1

"She died last night." -- CNA2

"Oh, okay." said CNA1, then continued on his way, as if he hadn't heard something pretty bad. As if the death of that resident meant nothing to him.

And most probably it doesn't. How could it? Marge was just one of the many patients he used to handle everyday. He probably thought, huh, one less patient to take care of.

And what about me? What do I feel about a resident who just died last night? I felt bad. No, not because I'm pretty close to that patient or anything like that, coz I'm not. I felt bad because I can't even remember her face. I see her everyday but now I can't remember what she looked like. And I feel awful about that. It was like in my mind, she never existed. I know her name yes, but why can't I remember her face? I closed my eyes real tight, and tried to rack my memory of her face. But my brain goes blank.

Will it be like this for me from now on? Will I really get used to hearing of death that it won't affect me anymore, that my brain brings out only blank faces. Will I be like those nurses, unfeeling, nonchalant. Would that job make me somewhat of a robot? Why don't I feel anything anymore? Me, who cried for the death of children I never even knew, me, who cried for the lives of those who died in the 9-11 incident, me, who cried on Rico Yan's death, me, who cries on animal cruelty, me, who cried on a friend's pet's death, me, who cried on the death of the dad of a dear friend, why don't I feel anything now?

***
I wish I was a poet.
So I could express into beautiful words, fragments of what I feel in my heart.
You make me so happy.
You put a smile on my face.
A grin on my lips.
A spring on my step.
Sunshine on this snowy day.
A song in my heart.
A sparkle in my eyes.
A tingling on my fingers.
Butterflies in my stomach.
A hope in my heart.
A dream in my sleep.

***
Someday I know I'm gonna leave blogger behind. Not by choice but because I need to. Why do I feel that someday would come sooner than I expected?

If that day comes, what other forms could I stay sane into this crazy world I live in? I wonder.

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I must be pregnant

All day long I had been craving for something really sour. And when I say sour, yung talagang mapapapikit ka sa asim. Yung bang your face becomes contorted, di na maipinta yung mukha sa asim. Oops. No. Strike my first sentence out. I had been craving for something sour since last night when we went to my Grandma's house, and I saw my cousin, Mag, eating lemon with bagoong. Weird huh? Tell that to someone who misses Philippine green mangoes dipped with bagoong. So okay nang alternative yung lemon. At least maasim pa rin, ryt? Oohh. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.

....
And, like my cousin, I also miss eating mangoes. Yes, we have green mangoes here. But believe me when I say, they don't taste good. They don't even taste sour, not like our green mangoes in the Philippines. Mangoes here don't even come close to what manggang piko tastes like.

And so... the moment I got home from work, guess what I did? Cut two lemon pieces into small bites and I ate them with bagoong. Syet! ang sarap! Grabe. Try nyo lang. Masarap tlga. :)

Bitin nga yung dalawa e. Kaso baka naman sumakit na ang chan ko, so I stopped na. Hehe.

And no, I'm not pregnant. Pero para akong naglilihi kanina. Hehe. :)

***
I just learned from my batchmates that we can already avail of our college yearbook. Waah! How can I get my hands on that precious thing when I'm so, so far away? I wonder if I'll ever see it. Siguro when I finally get to see it, every turn of the pages would evoke memories of four wonderful years of college. Hay, I hate this feeling. I so badly want to see that yearbook but I know it would be years before I could get my hands on it. Wait... years? Try never. Naiiyak ako.

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A letter to a friend

Dear Neighbor,

You're right, as usual. You said a lot of things that somehow woke me up from this stage I've been going through. I don't know whether to thank you or strangle you. Why? Well, I know I should just thank you for letting me realize things that I should've realized, and for saying truthful things, harsh as they may seem, even though that's not what I wanted to hear right now. It's not what I wanted to hear, but it's what I needed to hear. As for that part of strangling you, well, I don't want to hear what you just told me, coz you brought me down from the clouds I had found myself in lately. You even made me cry. Darn, am I even making any sense?

You're right. I'm not being fair. And you're right, what goes around, comes around. Natatakot na nga ako e.

But the part I didn't tell you is this, I want to know where it could lead, that's why I'm not letting go, that's why I'm being unfair. I don't want to go through life without knowing if it could lead to something good. If it does, then it's nice to know I didn't let go, but if it led to something awful, well, then it's my loss. I'm just gonna count that to the things I had done impulsively. I'm just gonna count that to things that I should have regretted doing.

Pero, pare, you're right. I'm unfair. Darn.

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Mr. SmoothShy Guy

I don't know whether to call him Mr. Smooth Guy or Mr. Shy Guy.

At one point he says things that make you really smile and feel good inside, as he stares at you.

"Your eyes are beautiful..."
"I like the way you smile..."
"Your hands are so soft..." (albeit clammy...hehe, no he didn't say that but I did)

But when it's your turn to stare at him, he turns into this one super shy guy as his eyes dart on anything except you.

Makes me smile.:)

***
I love the sight of the first drops of snow falling from the sky and settling on the ground.

I can't help but stare out my window as it falls so fast, covering the roads and the cars parked outside our apartment in a matter of minutes.

It's so beautiful.

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Same old, same old

Another boring day into the life of one homesick fella'.

Hay. Ano nga ba nangyari ngayong araw na ito? Work was a drag as usual. Although it was also kinda' fun, especially when you see your supervisors and co-workers shouting E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles! on account of their favorite football team's victory last night. Hmm... What else? It was also amusing to see your supervisor almost go down on his knees as he begged you to do some overtime tonight, as he repeats over and over again, "Maganda please? Mahal kita." (Imagine his American accent while he was saying these words. Kakatawa lang.) Told him no one would pick me up after work, and that I don't want to walk home. He offered to give me a ride home. Was tempted for a while there. What, me, sitting in the passenger seat of the car of some gorgeous American guy? Hell, yeah! Hehe. Pero ayaw ko pa rin. I was tired.

Went straight home after work and talked to Mr. Smooth Guy on the phone. Am talking about Lester here. Told him that from now on I'm going to refer to him as Mr. Smooth Guy. Geez. He has got to have the smoothest lines I'd ever heard, and the smoothest moves I'd ever seen. Haha. ;)

Anyway, going to see some snow again this week. Yay! Ayoko na ng snow. Di na masaya. Ayoko na rin ng winter, malamig masyado. I miss wearing sandals. And nakakasawa nang lumabas na naka-jacket. Hay.

Anyway, gonna start school again next next week. Wala lang.

Gonna write something sensible here next time. Ciao.:)

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Of changes

I never thought that the age difference could really matter in my relationship with Wacqs. I remember a time when a lot of people would raise their eyebrows when they hear how old Wacqs is. It's just a seven year-difference I say. It's no big deal, really. I'm 21. He's 28. So what? I remember writing an entry here in my blog about how I don't care about our age difference as long as we love each other.

I was naive. I am now only realizing that the age gap is big, not in terms of years, but of experiences, and in terms of what we both like in life.

While he was building his dreams of our future together, while he was talking of marriage and of having a family, I was dreaming of traveling all over the world, of trying to prove something of myself.

For a time, I agreed with him. I thought it was what I like too. I thought I wanted to get married, to have a family. But then again, it had always been like this. Whatever Wacqs wanted, I wanted it too. Maybe I was in awe of his age, of his vast experiences in life, that I always say yes to whatever he wanted. One could say, I never had a mind of my own.

But now, things have changed. I don't know exactly when it happened, or how. I don't know the exact time when his every mention of marriage scared me, that his every mention of having a family made me move further away from him.

He had come to a point in his life where he just wanted to settle down. He had already achieved his dreams. He is now doing what he had always wanted to do all his life. But I am just starting to realize my own dreams. I'm just starting to prove something for myself. I'm just starting to explore what life has to offer me.

And I know that with every step I take towards the fulfillment of my dream, is a step I take away from him.

***
I wish I could blame my change of heart on having met a wonderful man. I wish that I could say, it's not my fault, he walked into my life, turned my world upside down, and I had never been the same since.

But I can't. I wish I could, so that I could turn the blame on someone else than me.

But I know that I had been feeling this change in me long before I met him, way way back. Maybe it is just now that I am acknowledging the change.

***
Someone once told me that I should be prepared to realize how much America would change me once I get here.

I was adamant in my reply when I said I will never change, never. I now realized that he is right, that no matter how hard you try to resist it, America would change you.

***
They make my day

"Hey Joyce, you're lying to me. You're not 21! You're only 17!"

"Hey, you look like Spring in this winter time."

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If I could really be honest with myself right now, I may not like the answers I could give to these nagging questions in my heart. Sometimes it is much better to hide and run where no one knows you, and no one would force you to decide to face whatever it is you have to face at that moment. Am I making sense? Probably not. Just goes to show how befuddled I am right now. And so I continue to write nonsensical things, in the hope that I'd put some order to these jumbled thoughts.
But then again, even writing confuses me. How can I find objectivity when these emotions continue to run amok inside my heart and mind?

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In my mind right now

Just finished cleaning the apartment. Believe me, it's long overdue.

It's so frustrating, when you had lived all your life in a somewhat big house and big garden, then suddenly you're placed into this tiny space, where you can't even run or with every move you make you bump into something.

But well, just got to live with it.

***
I stared at the picture of us together, stared for a long time at that frame placed beside my bed. It all seemed so surreal. When has this happened? When had I become a mere spectator to a game I used to play?

The memory of us seemed so distant now.

I stared at that picture frame with the still faces, smiles frozen with time, and that sparkle in the eyes caught in a snapshot. And somehow I know the answer.

***
Had a chat with a dear friend earlier. He said things that made me really reflect.

Thanks JP. I miss you.

***
A lot of changes happened in my life these past few days. And I feel that I'm caught in the whirlwind. The changes happened so fast that I couldn't catch up with them. My friend said to just go with the flow. And that's what I'm doing right now. I just hope that I wouldn't be too caught up that one day I'd wake up bewildered and wondering what the heck I just did.

And I just hope that through all these whirlwind of changes, I wouldn't end up hurting another person once again.

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Fighting Insomnia

It's 1:40 in the morning and I'm wide awake.

I couldn't sleep. I dunno why. I should be dead asleep right now. I'm so tired. I slept late last night coz I talked to Lester on the phone, and then after we talked I didn't immediately go to sleep. Then I went to the mall earlier. Walked for almost three hours. So I should be tired.

The body is weak, but the mind is wide awake.

One thing's for sure, I'd be a walking zombie later at work.

***
My brother is overprotective of me.

Sometimes it's a nice feeling to know that no one would dare mess with me or else they'll have to answer to my brother.

But often times, he's overprotection is unwarranted. It's so exasperating.

Really. I'm 21 years old. I can take care of myself.

***
Exit 2003, Enter 2004

There's spring on my step. There's a smile on my face. The dawning of the new year for me seems to bring a new and clean slate. Goodbye 2003. Got a lot of memories with you. You brought a lot of changes in my life. I had bidded goodbye twice to some things so hard to let go: First is on my college graduation where I bid goodbye to the university life, and second when I bid goodbye to my country and my life.

Hello 2004. I wonder what surprises you're bringing with you. No matter if they're good or bad surprises, I am ready to face you. But please, please, please, have mercy on this homesick fella', and try to be a good year for her will ya?

***
I got exactly 3 and a half hours to sleep before I'm off to work. Darn.

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Ayan. I put some music here. para masaya. so instead of just reading we can dance too. waah. corny. feel ko lang. hehe :P

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How to describe my first new year's celebration here...

Hmmm... Different, that's for sure. Tamer, definitely. But nevertheless not bad.

Different because instead of partying and dancing, I went out with my cousin and Lester ( a guy I met through my cousin) and we watched Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. I had fun. Although I feel a little guilty coz I know those two were bored out of their wits.(Although Lester said he enjoyed the movie, I don't believe him though) I more or less forced them to watch that movie coz it's on my wanna watch list. I'll make it up to them next time. :)

The movie was great. Although there are also some parts I could not understand. Have to call the boyfriend to explain some scenes.

After the movie, we went to his uncle's house to celebrate new year there. It was okay. Maybe it would have been more fun if I knew some of the people there. But it was great to be surrounded with new faces, and with fellow Filipinos.

Also saw some fireworks, pero they're pretty tame compared to what we had in the Philippines.

YUn lang. Syet. Parang bitin kwento ko. Ewan ko ba, I haven't had enough sleep pa kasi e. Lester drove us home around one in the morning, but I didn't go to sleep immediately. I dunno, I couldn't sleep pa so I called up friends from the Philippines. I almost burst into tears when I heard the sound of their voices. I missed them so much. Esp. when they updated me of their lives there. Made me realize more how far I am from them. Made me realize d na ako makakasama sa growth nila. I've known them since childhood. I've seen them grow. I've seen them fall in-love. I've seen them fall out of love. I was there through it all. But now I'm not there anymore.

I slept around 4 am then woke up at around 6am, then nahirapan na akong ma2log ulit. I fell into a light sleep then woke up at eight in the morning then I couldn't fall back to sleep again so I decided to get up and just watch TV. Ayun. So now I'm so beat pero we had to go to my grandma's house pa.

yun lang. Wala ako sa mood magsulat. Tata.

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