Of changes

I never thought that the age difference could really matter in my relationship with Wacqs. I remember a time when a lot of people would raise their eyebrows when they hear how old Wacqs is. It's just a seven year-difference I say. It's no big deal, really. I'm 21. He's 28. So what? I remember writing an entry here in my blog about how I don't care about our age difference as long as we love each other.

I was naive. I am now only realizing that the age gap is big, not in terms of years, but of experiences, and in terms of what we both like in life.

While he was building his dreams of our future together, while he was talking of marriage and of having a family, I was dreaming of traveling all over the world, of trying to prove something of myself.

For a time, I agreed with him. I thought it was what I like too. I thought I wanted to get married, to have a family. But then again, it had always been like this. Whatever Wacqs wanted, I wanted it too. Maybe I was in awe of his age, of his vast experiences in life, that I always say yes to whatever he wanted. One could say, I never had a mind of my own.

But now, things have changed. I don't know exactly when it happened, or how. I don't know the exact time when his every mention of marriage scared me, that his every mention of having a family made me move further away from him.

He had come to a point in his life where he just wanted to settle down. He had already achieved his dreams. He is now doing what he had always wanted to do all his life. But I am just starting to realize my own dreams. I'm just starting to prove something for myself. I'm just starting to explore what life has to offer me.

And I know that with every step I take towards the fulfillment of my dream, is a step I take away from him.

***
I wish I could blame my change of heart on having met a wonderful man. I wish that I could say, it's not my fault, he walked into my life, turned my world upside down, and I had never been the same since.

But I can't. I wish I could, so that I could turn the blame on someone else than me.

But I know that I had been feeling this change in me long before I met him, way way back. Maybe it is just now that I am acknowledging the change.

***
Someone once told me that I should be prepared to realize how much America would change me once I get here.

I was adamant in my reply when I said I will never change, never. I now realized that he is right, that no matter how hard you try to resist it, America would change you.

***
They make my day

"Hey Joyce, you're lying to me. You're not 21! You're only 17!"

"Hey, you look like Spring in this winter time."