You are my sunshine*


My only sunshine




You make me happy when skies are grey

You'll never know dear, how much i love you

Please don't take my sunshine away...

*from the song "You are my sunshine"

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I just went through a very, very painful experience today. And even though more than 16 hours have passed, I am still feeling the pain. I'm on the way to recovery, but oh how I wish I could hasten the process...

What happened? Well, I just had one of my wisdom teeth pulled out. It had been hurting me like crazy for a week. And when the I couldn't bear the pain anymore, I finally decided to go to the dentist. Okay, I was lying. I have a high toleration for pain. And if it's up to me, I would just ride out the pain till it hopefully goes away. And besides I was thinking, when my other wisdom teeth came out, I was also in pain then. But I tolerated it, and they never bothered me anymore. But this time, a week has passed and still there I was, chugging down pain pills, one after the other.

All my friends told me to go see a dentist, coz it sounded serious when I told them that I can't open my mouth wide coz it hurts and that everytime I swallow it hurts.

And so I made an appointment to see the dentist.

And the verdict? Apparently, there was no room for my wisdom tooth to grow. And it would keep on bothering me for as long as I live if I didn't do anything about it. And so I consented to let the dentist have his way with my tooth. And so he did.

God, I was shaking when the dentist pulled out that needle to put anaesthesia. And he put the needle on me, like four to five times! I wanted to cry so bad. It hurt so goddamn much! And I couldn't stop shaking from nervousness! But when the anaesthesia took effect I didn't feel any pain, except a lot of pressure on my tooth when the dentist tried to pull it out.

Thank goodness the dentist's office is just about three minutes from my house, so I drove back home without a hitch. The anaesthesia lasted for about four hours, and boy was my mouth a mess! I couldn't stop drooling and I could taste the blood. Even before the anaesthesia wore off, I took two pain killers. My sister told me how much it would hurt afterwards.

And boy was she right.

And so here I am in front of my computer, trying in vain to ignore the throb on my gums. God help me, I might have to take twenty more pain killers! Waah!

***
ANyway, in other news.

She is the most beautiful thing that happened in our lives...


Every day when I wake up I would peek in her room to see if she's awake...


And I just love the feel of her trusting body on my arms. She's so little and so precious, that my heart fills with joy everytime I hold her...


I just can't get enough of her! God, I love my niece! Who wouldn't? She's an angel...



***
Last saturday, I went over my little cousin's house to join his birthday party. I had a blast.

Here are some pictures from the party:



***
ANyway, this pain is getting unbearable na. I'll try to sleep it off and hopefully things would get better when I wake up.

Ciao people.

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If there is one thing that's keeping me going on slaving my way into my second degree, it's the thought that I don't want to be stuck working where I work now. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. I mean, I get great Federal benefits. The pay is really, really good. I've only been working there for less than two years now, but I've already had about seven pay raises. I don't mind working the night shift. After all, I'm a night person. I could never really function well in the morning. Although, it does kinda' suck because I never really have time for gimmicks. But that's okay. I never really met people here that really catch my interests. I don't know why, but the people I've met so far seem so shallow to me. Not all, mind you. There are also great people that I've met, it's just that, like me, they too are busy with work and school.

The reason why I hate my work is not the work at all. The work, per se, is easy. It's not stressful at all.

The reason why I absolutley loathe it, why I'd give anything to be able to quit it right this second, why it would give me perverse pleasure to shove my resignation letter up my supervisor's ass, is because of the other people who work there. It is teeming with people who loves, absolutely adores gossip. People who talk about other people, criticize other people, make fun of other people, but at the same time be friends with one another. It's absolutley disgusting! Grabe ang kaplastikan. Grabe ang office politics. The people there are just un-fucking-believable!

I say again, the work, per se, is not stressful. But what gives me stress right now, are the people. I don't know if it makes them feel better about themselves if they pick on other people weaker than them, or if they're just plain jealous, or if they really don't have that much of a life outside of work that they try to make up for that by telling themselves they're cool if they make fun of other people. Hayyy!!! It's just so stressful working with them. Sobra. I can't wait to get out of that place.

ANother reason why I hate it, is because these same people are so damn lazy. As in super. And they can get away with it because the union backs them up. The management is even scared of them. Like one time, a coworker told me that when the supervisor tells her to do some work, she'll threaten the supervisor that she will talk to the union, coz apparently the supervisor is picking on her. So then the supervisor leaves her alone. WHat the fuck?! A supervisor can't even tell you to do your work, when you really aren't?

I think the problem here is the union has too much power. Hindi na siya balance. It's like the union controls everything in there. You'd think that's an ideal situation? I don't think so. Not when someone who deserves to be fired - like he's so lazy, he's always absent, he's always late, he's so lazy - can't get fired because the union won't allow it. And so he still works there, feeling smug because he can't get fired, he can get away with being lazy and absent all the time and there will be no repercussions.

I know of other cases naman that they were successfully fired for one reason or another, but after a year, after the union fought for them relentlessly, they came back to work. I mean, hello! You got fired for a legitimate reason... why does the management let the union manipulate them? Grabe. SObra.

But as my co-workers would say, "it can only happen at the post office."

I really want to get out of there. Kaso, right now, the big pay they're giving me is really helping a lot. D ko maiwanan because of the money. Bwisit. I hate that. But I don't have a choice. It helps pay for my school ,my bills and my car, with still a lot left over for my kakikayan.

What's keeping me going right now is the thought that in just a year I will be out of there. I will have to quit when I finally go to my nursing school. Right now I'm just taking all the prerequisites. That will still take one year. But after that quit na ako sa work. I will concentrate on my studies.

I would be unemployed. I would leave my work (thank God!). But I know I will be much happier. Poorer maybe. But a lot more at peace.

Gosh sana one year na.

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Dear Cara,

You put your mom into one hellish experience for two days. You had a hard time trying to get out of that tiny coccoon you were in for nine months. I never saw your mom in so much pain as you try to kick your way out into this world. She went from being a beautiful pregnant woman...



...to a woman in labor...


And I was there through it all. I was with your mom as we went that saturday morning to the hospital. I was so excited Cara. I wanted to see you so badly. And though I felt so sorry for your mom for the obvious pain she went through, I was full of anticipation for your arrival. I would stare at that monitor and counted the minutes between contractions. I watched the lines go up and down in sync with your heartbeats.

But when the doctor came in five hours later sending your mom home because it was apparently just a false labor, my face fell with disappointment. Did you hear me talking to you through your mom's swelled up tummy, urging you to come out? That's how excited I was to see you.

The next day, at around four in the morning, I was woken up by your mom's cries. The contractions were getting closer and closer. And your mom was in so much pain that your grandparents had to bring her to the hospital already. Thankfully, the doctors gave your mom epidural, a pain killer so strong she never felt any pain afterwards.

We waited and waited Cara. See your grandparents? They're also with your mom, waiting for your arrival. It took you so long that they eventually fell asleep on the hospital...




The doctor said you'll probably be out by seven at night, but an hour, two, three - oh I stopped counting - has passed and still you cling to your safe haven. Were you scared to come out? You need not be. A lot of people love you already even before they saw you. Including me, your mom, your dad, your grandparents and all the long lines of uncles and aunties.

Then your mom's temperature started to rise. Apparently you've been in her tummy for so long, that she's starting to develop some infections. So, at 12 midnight, the doctor decided to have your mommy undergo a C-section, so both of you will be safe. And guess what my beautiful niece? I went with your mom in the operating room. I had to don on scrubs and all that jazz. Oohhh I was sooo excited.

I waited outside the operating room for about ten minutes as the doctors prepared your mommy for the operation. I waited with bated breath - scared and excited at the same time. Scared because it's my first time to actually witness a real-life operation. Excited because in just a few minutes I would see you. When the nurse summoned me inside the operating room, I saw your mom on the operating table, surrounded with all these doctors all ready to get you out. I sat by your mom's side. I was so scared for her. But thankfully she told me she doesn't feel anything. They gave her anaesthesia and pain killers to block out the pain.

And then the doctor shouted "here comes the baby!" and I just had to look. Oooh Cara! I was the first one to see you. I saw your head outside of the tummy while the rest of your body is still inside. It would've grossed me out, if I hadn't thought you were the most beautiful thing I ever saw! And then we heard your first loud wail, and I couldn't help it, I cried with your mom. It was the sweetest sound I had ever heard.

After the nurses cleaned you up, they gave you to me. I showed you to your mom. You look so much like her!

I was so happy to see you Cara!


And a lot of people were happy to see you too! Esp. your mom...



your uncle...


and your proud grandparents...


and the long line of grandparents... aunties and uncles...



and of course.. me again.


You, our little precious angel, are gonna be so spoiled.

After all, by general consensus... you are the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world!

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Any time now

We're just waiting for the baby to finally be born into this world.

My parents took my sister to the hospital again this morning because her contractions were getting closer and closer already, and that she won't stop crying from pain. Gosh, seeing her, and the hell that she's been through, I tell myself I do not want to have a baby... ever. Maybe I'll just adopt.

It's messed up. I mean, you had a lot of pleasure making the baby, and the rest of the nine months up to the baby's birth are a series of hellish experiences. Esp. the delivery.

But... I believe it will be all worth it. :)

I can't wait to see my niece. I can't wait to hold her in my arms. I can't wait to sing lullabies to her. I can't wait to read her books. I can't wait to teach her a lot of things. But most of all, I can't wait to show her the world.

Pictures on my next post. :)

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False Alarm

Today at five in the morning, while busily browsing through my favorite blogs, my mom walked into the room and told me my sister's in labor. I shrieked in delight (cause we've been witing for this baby for like forever, and besides, she's two days over due, so it's about time) and quickly put on my jeans and sweater.

I went downstairs to find my sister on the couch clutching her tummy. It turned out that she's been having mild contractions since last night, and this morning when she got up and went to the bathroom, she found a little bleeding, which of course caused her to panic and call the doctor right away.

We quickly drove to the hospital. I wondered why my sister wasn't screaming with pain, and I even joked around with her, saying, she's the most silent pregnant woman I know who's about to go on delivery. Not that I knew a lot of pregnant women. In fact, she's the only pregnant woman I've seen in labor, well, not counting all those movies I've watched of women screaming with pain and cursing like sailors. So of course, you could imagine my amazement on how she could handle such pain.

So, they hooked her up on this machine where you can monitor the contractions, and the baby's heart beat. Everytime I would see the line about to go up on the monitor, I would tell her another contraction is coming. You can't even begin to describe the look on her face.

And then horror of horrors, I forgot my camera in my car. I meant to document all her labor pains and all. So I went back on the parking lot to get it. But when I got back in the room I realized that I forgot the batteries. They were in my bag... in my car... on the parking lot. So i decided to ditch that idea, and just stayed in the room with her.

It took such a long time for the doctor to see her. We were in the hospital at around six in the morning, and the doctor went in to check on her at around eight am. By that time, I was just so tired, because I worked the night before and I didn't get any sleep yet. So, we waited for another hour, and I was already begging my niece to come out because I got tired of waiting. My sister said labor could take 12 hours sometimes.

At around nine thirty, the doctor came back to check on her, and she said that it's not the real thing yet. She said it's probably just early labor. Apparently, you'd know if it's the real thing if you can't even close your eyes because of the pain. She made my sister go home, and take a rest. She said it could still take days before the real labor arrives.

I can't wait for my niece to be born in this world. But at the same time, I' also scared for her. She's going to be born into this imperfect world. I'm so terrified. I would want her to grow up to be a nice kid. And I hope that we could still be able to instill Filipino values in her even though we live here in New Jersey.

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