P r a g m a t i c D r e a m e r

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Dear L. V.,

I remember telling you a lot of times how refreshing you are. You asked me what I meant by that, and I think I didn't give justice to my answer.

So here's my letter telling you what I meant by that.

When I said you are refreshing, I meant you are a refreshing change from all the men I know, be it my father, my brother, my cousins, my boyfriend and my guy friends. I've known you for only a month but somehow through our conversations I know that you're different from all these men I know.

You believe in love, you believe in relationships, you believe that you would only kiss a girl on the lips because of love.

I think once I already told you I don't really believe in love. At an early stage in my life, something happened to me that made me doubt fairy tales and happily-ever-afters. Or maybe I do believe in love but I don't believe that love could lasts forever. After all, a lot of things can happen between now and forever. And furthermore, I believe that forever is just a word. Forever doesn't exist in real life.

You can't really blame me for not believing in love and in relationships. I already told you about my life, about my father and about my relationship with my boyfriend right? Somehow through all these experiences I had (I'm not saying I had a lot, but in those few that I have experienced), I had become somewhat of a cynic. How can I believe that love could really lasts forever when everything that surrounds me says otherwise?

Last night when I told you about my dad, I know you didn't hear the tremor in my voice. I told you the whole story, I told you everything, and I even laughed about it. But let me tell you a secret. Tears were on the verge of falling while I was talking to you. But I controlled them, and like everything else I do in life, I hid behind this tough facade.

You wondered how I could take what he's doing. Well, I guess, it is true sometimes that a pain dulls through time. I've known about my dad's infidelity for a long time now. The first time I've learned of it I was miserable, yes, but like all bruises, I healed through time. Or maybe not really healed, maybe I've just become numb by all of it. And somehow through the years, I had learned to accept it. I know it's not right, but that's life, and that what happened to my family happens to almost every other family in the world.

While I and everyone around me is jaded about love, you say you believe in it. That's refreshing really. Somehow I hope that nothing and no one taints your belief in it. I hope you don't lose your idealism. It's nice to know there are still men like you. And it's nice that I have you as a friend. Who knows, your idealism might rub off on me, then maybe somehow through you, I could believe in fairy tales and happily- ever-afters once again...

yours,
Joyce

posted at 4:17 PM by joyce

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