It's like going through last year's worst time in my life all over again, only much, much worse.

Gaad, you'd think I've already learned something from last year.

Instead, here I am, feeling those withdrawal symptoms, only ten times worse than before.

When will I ever learn? Or much better, when will my heart just completely go numb so I won't feel like this?

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Of course I have to write about this. Something exciting finally happened in my life. Well, not really exciting I guess. Just something that was bound to happen sooner or later.

***

I love driving in New Jersey. I love how there's hardly any traffic at all. Or if there is, I never experienced it because I work the night shift, and by the time I'm on the road, almost everyone else is resting at their houses.

What would you do if you hardly see any car driving on the road alongside you? What would you do if the roads are all so smooth and paved?

I did what every kid my age would do. Speed, that is. I was speeding along Interstate 295, driving way beyond the assigned speed limit. Way, way beyond. DOn't ask how much way beyond that was or you'll have a heart attack.

I had it coming. Being that I never, ever got pulled over in all my one year of driving experience here in New Jersey, I was confident that if I ever get pulled over by a cop, he would just probably give me a warning because, after all, I have a clean driving slate. I mean, I was so confident because my brother got pulled over twice for speeding and he never, ever got a ticket yet. And so here I was thinking, I could pull the same thing.

Boy was I wrong!

I saw the police car before he even saw me. I tried to slow down, but then I was still going too fast. And so the cop saw me. And he quickly pulled me over before I could even utter I'm sorry.

I had practiced so many scenarios in my head if ever a cop would pull me over for speeding, but for the life of me, I couldn't act out any of those scenarios. I could only stare at him helplessly as he asked where I was going, and if I was aware that I was driving over the speed limit.

I could only look at him with an innocent look on my face , and say, "I was?"

Of course that innocent look didn't work at all. It didn't even faze the cop.

I didn't even try to plead my case because I was so scared. I mean, the cop looked like he was going to eat me alive. Hayyy.

Maybe he was in a bad mood that time. And he was looking for someone to share his bad mood with. Or something. Because with no forgiveness from him, he gave me a ticket.

How do you say fuck in different languages?

Grr!

I know I deserve it anyway. ANd i know sooner or later it was really bound to happen. After all, everyone says I drive too fast.

Now I have to attend a court hearing on June 15 to plead my case. As if I could plead my case. I can only hope I don't get points. Hayy..

Gulp. gulp.

I am looking at a whopping $400 fine. Waah! I wanna cry!

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Dealbreakers

When will you say it's over? What turns you off in a man or a woman? What would make you let go and never look back?

I talked to my friend at work about this, about dealbreakers. Dealbreakers in relationships happen when you find out something about a person that would make you leave in an instant, without thinking twice about it.

For my friend, his dealbreaker is smoking. If a guy smokes, then its bye-bye for him. She said that she can never ever take the smell of cigarrette smoke.

For others, it could be the accent. I know a friend that would be completely turned off if the guy has a bisaya accent. I know that's shallow, but I guess that's the dealbreaker for her.

See, I think I can take all that. I won't mind if the guy smokes. I won't care if he's a bad driver. I don't care if he has a bad accent. I don't care if he smells. Wait, scratch that. I do care. I don't care if he's not that good in academics. (But hey, it counts if he is.)

My dealbreaker is cheating. If a guy had guts enough to tell me that he cheated, then that's it for me. I don't think I could really ever look back. The trust won't be there anymore, no matter how hard we try to bring it back, so why even try? I know that's hypocritical of me since I cheated once in my life. But as they say, you never want someone to do the same thing you did to others. Esp. if you did something horrible to someone.

But I wonder, what if you love this person so much, would you be willing to discard all those dealbreakers you set in your head? Would you be willing to compromise?

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