Cacophony

When you talk about tomorrow
I'm not sure about today
When you tell me that you love me
What am I supposed to say
Sometimes I don't feel the same way that you feel
Words like forever
They scare the shit out of me
Maybe I'm afraid of commitment
Or maybe your too distracted to see that
Sometimes I don't feel the same way that you feel
I think of all the things that I'd say to you if I had the chance again
I think of all the things that I'd scream
But I think it's for the best
When you and I just don't connect
And things are never just quite what they seem
Will ever be someone to give her heart to me
Or would I be too blind to see it
I wouldn't make a sound I'd keep it underground
It always seems like I'm running around

--->by blink182 from the album Cheshire Cat

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To all who happens to pass by my blog, hope you all had a happy christmas!

***
I had a slightly wonderful time this Christmas. Slightly because Christmas here would never be the same as Christmas in the Philippines. But I'm getting used to it. I mean, sure, I miss those simbang gabis, where I try to wake up at 330 in the morning just to go to mass with my friends (although half the time I'm half-awake in church), then afterwards buy puto bumbong, which I love, love, love! (Gosh, writing about it now makes me wanna cry, I really miss those puto bumbongs!)

I had to go to work on Christmas eve. And since I work the night shift, that means that I missed the Nicdao party. Well, I didn't really miss it. I went to church with some of my relatives, then afterwards we went to my grandma's house where the party was. I stayed for half hour then I had to run (er, drive fast) so I wouldn't be late for work. Man, I was so tempted to call out! Seeing the table filled with those mouth-watering foods, I was really tempted to just call out from work. Then all my cousins looked so pretty with their gorgeous dresses, and all those gifts stacked on the floor, gosh, I was in a dillema! But of course, the goody side of me won the battle, so off I went to work.

Had a little party at work too. Everyone brought food and snacks. I just brought some chips and cheese salsa dip. Jason brought the drinks.

There wasn't really too much work so we clocked out early. When I got home, my parents just got home too, so I talked to them till six in the morning.

Then I still couldn't sleep so I watched Princess Diaries 2 (one of the many gifts Jason gave me) till 8 am. Fell asleep around 830, then woke up 1230.

Some of my cousins dropped by our house, and we just hang out there.

Afterwards I went over to Jason's parents' house to celebrate with them. Gosh I was so scared! I met the whole family before but I never really hang out with them. But they were all so nice and warm to me. They even gave me gifts! His parents gave me this blouse (which I would be caught dead wearing, coz it was, well, uh, pangmatanda ika nga). Of course his mom asked me if I liked it, and I said yes. I think his sister knew I was lying. But of course I couldn't possibly say I don't like it right? And his sister gave me a really cute shirt and some accessories. I was so embarrassed because I didn't buy them any gifts at all. Heck, I didn't even buy Jason his gift yet. I didn't have time to buy gifts because work is taking too much of my time.
Anyway, I'll make it up to them because I told them that one day I'm going to cook for them my famous carbonara.

We played some twister games, which broke the ice for all of us since we end up laughing so hard as one falls on his butt while in a very awkward position.

Around 9pm, we all went to the movie theater to watch Meet the Fockers, which was really hilarious.

Found out that there was really nothing to be nervous about around them because they all seem to like me, as I like them.

Ayun, d ko alam i-end ito. Basta masaya naman ang pasko ko! Hehe. parang bitin no. Hala, inaantok na ko e. Pagtyagaan nyo na lang yan. Babush!

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Why doesn't love last?

I don't want to be jaded anymore. I don't want to be a cynic now since I already have J with me. But people and events make me, once again, become the unbeliever.

Why doesn't love last?

My friend from work, who is married for five years, told me yesterday she doesn't love her husband anymore. No, she's not a battered wife. In fact, she even told me that her husband is a very, very nice person. But then she doesn't feel that spark anymore. She looks forward to going to work now, than be with her husband. She doesn't anticipate his phone calls anymore. And she dreads going home.

No, there's no third party.

She said maybe it's because she married so young. She was swept off her feet at such a young age that she didn't know what marriage is really all about.

Gaaad, I don't want this to happen to me. I don't want to wake up one day, and ask myself why I married the guy lying next to me.

After all, whoever said this should be true: "Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of my time." -(Dream for An Insomniac)

--->>> darn, then why am I wasting my time now?

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Haven't blogged for a while. Been so busy with school and work. Hay salamat tapos na ang Finals ko sa school. Thankfully, I can say that I survived Anatomy and Physio I. Pasado naman. Next sem I have to take Anatomy & Physio II. Hayyy. Memorization na naman. Kakasawa.

***
Kailangan kong magsulat sa Filipino for a while. Feeling ko kasi alam nung friend ko sa trabaho itong blog na ito. And that's a no-no. Syempre di pwedeng paghaluin ang buhay ko as a blogger, at buhay ko sa trabaho. There are some things I have to keep secret. Adds mystery to my personality, aight? Well, I know that's stupid, e d sana d na lang ako nag-online journal dba? Oh well, I'll try to hide this as long as I can.

***
Natutuwa ako sa kaibigan kong iyon. Ang sarap nyang kausap.

Nung una ko syang nakilala, sabi ko, ang weirdo naman ng taong ito. Basta, may pagka-weird kasi talaga sya. Pero one thing I should've learned in my 4 years of stay in UST, e yung mga mukhang weirdo, sila yung mga matatalino, masarap kausap, smart. Kaya ayun, once I got to know him, I found out what a nice person he is. Ang sarap talaga nyang kausap. May sense, tapos marunong pang makinig. Alam mo yun, may mga tao kasi na eventhough they say they are listening, minsan parang hindi pa rin sila marunong makinig?

Itong kaibigan kong ito, sobrang talino talaga. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, he's a jack of all trades. Lahat alam nya.

Natapos sya ng AB English, then sometime in the near future, itutuloy daw nya pag-aaral nya, at kukuha sya ng Law. Ang tatay at kapatid nya kasi ay mga lawyers kaya sunod sya sa yapak nila.

Isang araw sa trabaho, wala kaming magawa, kaya ayun, nagkwentuhan lang kami. Our conversation started out light enough - talked about movies, actors, music. Then it eventually led to him telling me of his love life (or lack thereof). At ewan ko ba, ang galing nya kasi makinig, for the first time in a long time, (I haven't really opened up to anyone for a long time, natuto na siguro ako, but that's another entry) I told him of my life, of my fears, of what I'm feeling right now, of what I had undergone here in Jersey. Everything. As in, at one point I almost cried in front of him.

And what's so nice about it all, is that he undertands me. That somehow, without me even saying anything, it's as if he knows. Basta, iba yung feeling e.

People come and go in my life, some stayed, some left. But there are only those few that left a lasting impression, those few who took a part of me when they left, and those few who I really, really made a connection with. And he's one of those few.

I hope I can keep him.

***
May nakaaway pala ako sa work.

Lack of sleep for 48 hours + hunger + tiredness = very, very bad temper. as in, watch out. Don't cross me.

Anyway, d ko na sasabihin anong nangyari. Long story e. Let's just say it ended up with me shouting at the guy, me storming off to the bathroom, then running to my car and crying.

Gaaad. I hate it when I'm angry. Kasi umiiyak ako. I'm one of those people na umiiyak pag galit.

Pero ang sweet ni Jason kasi he followed me to my car, and wala syang jacket, super lamig, as in it was freezing outside. Tapos kahit na d sya ang kaaway ko, sinisigawan ko sya. Pero he didn't shout right back. Hinayaan nya lang ako. He just put his arms around me and held me tight. He didn't say anything. Then when I told him that I wanted to go home already, he went out of the car, and scraped the ice from my windshield. Dun na ako na-guilty. Coz it was freezing, and he didn't have any jacket or gloves pero he didn't complain. He just scraped the ice though nakikita ko na nanginginig na sya sa lamig.

And that's when I realized that this guy really, really loves me.

If only I can love him the way he loves me.

***
Gaaad, I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't seem to give out my heart to him. As in love him the way he deserves to be loved.

Paano ka nga ba naman magmamahal kung yung puso mo d pa nababalik sa yo.

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The search is over

I hated him for a long time.

But I'm finding out, everyday, I'm growing up to be more and more like him.

Him who cannot stay still...

I am now his female version.

But I'm going to change that.

The chase for that one true love is over.

I finally slid right smack into the arms of an angel.

****

I was so busy at work tonight. And it's going to be like this till January.

I'll be working six days a week now. Eight or nine hours a day.

Gosh, I'm so tired already, and it just started.

But hey, I ain't complaining, as long as I'll see a fat checkl come payday.

Wihee! What to buy?

OH no, I have to save up nga pala.

I'm going back to the Philippines. Did I write this down already? I am so excited!!!

Miss na miss ko na ang Pilipinas, sobra!

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I'm no pushover anymore

Nine months after I obtained my driver's license, I finally blew my horn at this stupid driver who cut me off at a three way stop, which almost caused me an accident. (yet again)

I don't usually do that. I usually let these stupid drivers get away with it. But not anymore. Heck, gusto ko ngang babaan yung driver para sigawan e.

WAla lang. That felt good!

***
Finally figured out what went wrong with my downloads on the iriver. It took me three hours to figure it out. (Did I hear anyone say slow???)

Kung sa pagiging user-friendly, mas maganda ang ipod. Dun kasi sa iriver masyado complicated. Pati user manual complicated. It would take me a while to get used to it.

***
Only had two hours of sleep kanina. Kasi ba naman I kept thinking about my project in my computer class. SO ayun d ako makatulog. Ang nerd ko no?

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Ubos na ang aking pasensya, I promise

Dahil two weeks pa lang yung i-pod sa akin, e nasira na (It doesn't wanna open anymore, doesn't wanna charge...), I returned it to Best Buy and bought another Mp3 player. Syempre ayoko na sa ipod kasi i read reviews nga na mabilis masira, lipat na ko sa iriver H320.

Okay naman. Mas maganda nga sa ipod. May FM tuner, then u can also put pictures in it.

Kaso problema I am having a hard time transfering songs from my Windows Media Player to my mp3 player. Nada-download naman sila, but when I listen to them, walang music. AS in nada!

YUng iba meron ngang music kaso para silang fina-fast forward.

Ubos na ang aking pasensya, promise.

As in gusto ko na itapon tong iriver h320 na to!

Help anyone! Please help me. I must be doing something wrong, downloading the songs wrong or something.

WAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Inis na inis na ako!

ANy suggestions.

Email nyo naman ako please?

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