Amazing
 
Remember I wrote here last Wednesday that I pulled an all-nighter?

Well, it's because we had a test last Wednesday and I had to cram in order to pass the test.

I didn't go to sleep at all, so by the time I went to school, I was already so dizzy.

I thought I messed up pretty badly on the test. I do not have any idea what to write on the essay question. So I just bluffed my way through it.

I expected my professor to give me a zero on that essay. I swear I didn't know what I was talking about.

Apparently I fooled even my professor because he gave me an A!

Amazing! I got 100% on the test.

I swear, I amaze me sometimes.

***
Been invited out on a date again. Different man this time.

Ha! Sana kung gwapo no!

He had the audacity to back me in a corner and ask in a offhand way, "Wanna go out on a date with me?"
 
The sheer arrogance of the man! As if!

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Look where a piece of junk got me

I was just fiddling with my wallet, when I chance upon a piece of junk that triggered the tear ducts from flowing and the memory cells from remembering him...

Yes. Him. Again.

You see, I never knew that I carry that piece of junk in my wallet for a couple of months already. I never even knew that I placed it there. But I must have. Back in that time when I must have wanted to keep a physical evidence or a souvenir or a physical trace of memory of a wonderful time spent together. It was a piece of movie theater ticket from a nearby cinema place we went to when we watched Barber Shop 2 last February.

Seeing that ticket again, and recalling the event that came along with it made me suddenly miss him, miss talking to him, miss listening to his crazy but wonderful stories and simply miss the old friendship.

In that moment of weakness, I succumbed to the urge of sending him an SMS.

"Hey, for what it's worth, I miss my friend... no need to reply. juz wanted you to know that. Take care."

It wasn't, and still isn't, my intention to revive an old friendship to life. No. The fire of our old friendship was already doused by lies, deceptions, hurtful accusations, mistrusts and disappointments.

So, my message was, simply just that. A message to convey what I was feeling at that time. I couldn't say I regret ever sending that message. I do miss him, and the friendship he had taken away along with his departure. But missing the person, and trying to patch up the broken pieces, are two different matters. When a glass is broken, you cannot paste it back wholly. 

It also made me reflect that, sad to say, our kind of friendship did not pass the insurmountable test that suddenly came. Both parties gave up easily. So maybe it wasn't even true friendship at all. Maybe it was just some fleeting fancy on both our parts that we both were prepared to drop at the first signs of distress.

(-wait... that suddenly scared me. That just meant to show on what kind of a person I am, as was  shown time and again. I am a person who gives up too easily at the first signs of trouble... That scares me. When wiill I learn my lesson and stay and tough it out? --)

And although his reply, "I miz my fren 2.. take care"  made me smile, I don't believe him. Not really.

***

On other News

I am not yet ready to date. I am not yet ready to get involved with another man.

Not even if he is this cute 25-year-old blue-eyed, blonde-head hunk of an American. Okay, I'm exaggerating. He's not really a hunk. But he's cute. And he's interested in me. Problem is, I'm not.

Earlier at work, while I was taking my break, he sat in-front of me, and we began talking about the Filipino lifestyle and food... which eventually led me to daring him to eat Balut, which, I think we can buy here in China Town in Philly.

I smirked at him and told him that I bet he wouldn't eat that.

"Well," he said, "I'll eat one balut and in exchange we go out and watch a movie."

I didn't know how to answer him. My brain says let him down gently, or daan mo sa joke, or just simply say hell no. In the end, I gave him a non-answer. I just smiled.

And then humirit pa, "I'll even eat two baluts and in exchange we watch a movie..."

I just smiled... again, and said, "I bet you couldn't eat it even if you tried. You'll just end up puking all over."

Then I suddenly remembered Ivy's comment when I told her about this American guy. She suddenly laughed and said, "I couldn't imagine you with an American."

That's funny Ivy. I couldn't either.

***

Talk about Paranoia

But one couldn't really be too careful, right?

When I got home from work, at about four in the  morning, I couldn't find a single parking space at our apartment complex. As I was driving slowly, looking for a space, a black guy walked to my car gesturing at me to roll down my windows. I got scared. No one is around except me and him.  He came closer and closer to the car, and I panicked! Imagination kicked over time. What if he has a gun and he points it at me if I rolled down the window? What if he rapes me? What if no one will hear my scream for help? What if  he kills me?

I quickly reversed the car and drove out of the apartment complex. I then called my dad and told him about the guy, and asked him to come out of the apartment because I'm scared.

When I came back at  the apartment complex, my dad was waiting for me at the door. The guy was still there, standing besides a van whose hood was opened. When I got out of my car, he approached me and I looked at him warily, ready to scream at the first sign of danger.

But all he said was," Miss, do you have a jumper for a car?"

Say what?

Turns out his car had broke down and he needed a jumper for it to start.

Well, my dad ended up helping him, and the guy finally got to drive out of the place.

But see, I believe I did the right thing of not rolling down my window and talking to to the guy when he gestured for me to roll down my window. Safety first, ika nga.

***

Apparently, the mind can still function wonderfully even for having not slept for 24 hours already.

Or can it? Coherent pa ba ang mga sentences ko?

O sya, time to sleep na.

 

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Call it the "Midnight Craving"
 
One thing I really hate about working the night shift is that it completely makes your sleeping habits erratic. You see, saturday is my day-off, and I should take advantage of that right? I should go out for the whole day, go to the mall, do some shopping, hang-out with friends, watch a movie, go to the beach, go out on a date.

But instead where do you find me? Right smack in the middle of my bed, sleeping soundly and waking up when the day is almost gone...

Anyway, just to show how lazy I am, I just watched TV for the whole day (or what remains of the day that is), and then by 11pm, I went to bed again. I did manage to catch some more zzzs, an amazing thing since I slept for a total of ten hours that day.

But I woke up at three in the morning wide awake while my family is sleeping very soundly. Heck, while the whole world is sleeping very soundly! I felt the pangs of hunger, and to satiate my growling stomach, I went to the kitchen to find something to eat. But, alas!, no food! or at least no food that I like.

I contemplated on cooking up some eggs, hotdogs and bacon but decided against it. I kinda' got tired of that food already. Then an idea came to me! Why not cook some pancit? I quickly opened the refrigerator to look for some ingredients and in 30 minutes, I cooked that mouth-watering steamy pancit!

I'm crazy, I tell you. Who in their right minds would wake up at three in the morning just to cook pancit???

***
I have a new car!

Well, not exactly new. I just had back the car that I seriously banged way, way back. You see, right after the accident, my parents (and my brother) were all scared to let me drive that car again. Heck, I was scared to drive that car again. I swear everytime I'm behind that wheel, my knees start to shake. But I will conquer my fear because now they're giving me back my car!

Yay!

But seriously, I kinda' grew to love my old car. It was that car that saw me through all that I had gone through for the past couple of months. It was that car that heard me cry in pain as I drive by the Highway 295. It was that car that absorbed all the pain, the anger, frustration and disappointment. It was also that car that saw me triumph over all my problems...

It's kinda' hard to let go...

 

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To all my friends, sorry!

I've been a very, very bad friend lately.

I don't return calls. I don't answer emails. I decline invitations to hang-out.

In short, these past few days, I've been a recluse.

Blame it on anything... but the truth of the matter is, I just wanted to be alone. I don't wanna be bombarded with anymore problems right now, because I have enough of my own to deal with. I don't wanna hang-out because I don't feel like putting up a facade of happiness when I feel the opposite.

So, to my newfound friend Ela, don't be put out if I keep saying no to all your invitations to go to the beach, I'm just not in the beach mood right now. It's not that I don't wanna hang out with you. I just don't feel like going out and driving for an hour just to go to Atlantic City.

And to Aaron, who IM'd me and told me to keep in touch, sorry for not keeping in touch. Sorry for the lack of emails. I'm not in the mood to email anyone right now, not just you. God knows, a lot of my friends are probably angry right now because I haven't emailed them for a while. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss talking to you though. I do miss you. Miss ko yung kulitan natin sa phone. We haven't talked for a long, long while, have we? I wanna know how California is treating you right now?  Do you like it there? Have you met new friends already? Basta, I promise to email you when I get out of this I-don't-wanna-talk-to-anyone-I-don't feel-like-talking mode. Sensha na ha. This will pass.

And Ivy, sorry for the lack of phone calls. You do understand ryt? I miss you.

And JP, sorry for the lack of phone calls too. I know you're undergoing major problems right now. And I'm sorry if I didn't call you at that time when you seem to need me the most. I have problems I have to deal on my own too, and no, I know you're thinking it's a heart problem, I can now assure you that it's not, I've moved on already dude. Maybe it's time you do that too. For your own peace of mind. Anyway, why don't you blog anymore? I love reading your posts you know!

***
I'm not really an outgoing person. Sure, once in a while I love to party, or to hang out with friends, but for the most part I enjoy my own company much more than I enjoy being with friends.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not an outgoing person.

***
A guy from work, who has a crush on me (hey this is my blog, walang kokontra!) just asked me to marry him.

A joke of course.

But I bet he would jump at a chance to go out with me. Everyone's saying so anyway.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I had already given up. Or maybe I just want to take a rest from any emotional baggage. But I don't wanna go out with anyone right now. No matter how cute they are, or how nice. I'm tired from all that relationship crap that never seem to work out anyway. You invest your time on  a person, only to lose him in the end. So what's the use of trying again if it will just happen over and over again. Loving. and losing, loving and losing?

Syet. Spoken like a true jaded gal.

***
I'm contemplating on watching the concert of Aiza Suegerra (tama ba spelling?) here in New Jersey on August 28. Jologs ba? When I was in college, I used to see her in school, and I don't take notice of her. Now I'm contemplating on watching her concert. Jologs nga. Hehe.

But hey, I miss the Philippines. And I wouldn't pass up a chance to hear live Pinoy music. :)

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Para sa' yo 'to...
 
"I just need to know that you're happy. That all my pain and tears are not without some meaning..." - carl steadman
 
***
They say I drive too fast.
 
I say not. I just go with the flow of the traffic. So what if I drive 80 miles/hour in a supposedly 65 miles/hour road? Everyone does too!
 
Er, right?
 
Hehe. One day I'm just gonna see me face- to- face with a police officer for speeding. But for now let me just enjoy the ride.
 
***
I already got used to the night shift that on my day off I am wide awake at three in the morning, while everyone else is sound asleep, and I'm dead asleep in the morning when everyone else is wide awake.
 
Kainis!
 
***
O sya, I need to sleep na.
 
 

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Before I bombard you with another story of my penchant for getting lost, allow me to announce to the whole world that I finally watched Spiderman 2. Finally! Two weeks (or was it three?) after it was released in the theaters, I just had the chance to watch it now! Hurray for me! Hehe.
 
Words fail me. It was really, really that good. And the effects... wow! Definitely better than the first one. I love it! :)
 
Okay, that's it for my review.
 
***
 
I post here time and time again how a supposed ten-minute drive to the mall turns to two hours of trying to find the right way, how a supposed five-minute drive going to my grandma's turns to two hours of circling the whole city, how, when they tell me to turn left, I nod and turn on the other direction - to the right, how I completely ignore the road signs, how I become bewildered to find myself in a very unfamiliar place, how a car filled with gas quickly almost run out of gas for driving around in circles....
 
Yeah, yeah. So it almost happened once again.
 
So what can I say? My only defense is I am directionally challenged. I admit it.
 
What's funny about this is that almost whenever I get lost, I have Mags with me.
 
One time we went to this theater 20 minutes from home. We got there in one click, but when it was time to go home, we found out that we didn't know how to get home. It took us almost two hours to finally arrive home, and not after a series of phone calls asking my uncle for directions.
 
So, owing to that incident, Mags tried to memorize the way home when she and her boyfriend went to watch a movie in that same theater.
 
Confident that we wouldn't get lost this time after watching Spiderman 2, she told me the directions.
 
When we finally got into a very familiar road, we were patting our backs telling each other that for the first time we didn't get lost.
 
WE celebrated too soon.
 
After five minutes or so, the road becomes unfamiliar again, then Mag said, "Diba pabalik ito?"
 
That's when I started laughing.
 
 Somehow I made a wrong turn, and instead of going back home, we were going back to the theater again.
 
So much for not getting lost.
 
Ako pa, hindi pwedeng hindi ako maligaw. Hah. That will be the day.
 
***
My parents, Vincent and I tried to look for the right house for us.
 
But somehow wala kami mapili.
 
They're either too small, or somthing's not right, or the neighborhood doesn't look too friendly..
 
Hay. Kailan kaya kami makakabili??? I want to get out of this apartment na!
 
 

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Rumors are, come October or November, we'll be working six days a week, 12 hours a day in my current job.

Ohmigod. Add that to my Anatomy and Physiology I (A&P1), Computer and English class, I'd probably be a walking zombie this Christmas season.

Can I do it?

I thought I could.

Now I'm having second thoughts. See, here's my schedule:

9am - 12pm - Wednesday and Friday- A&PI
11-12:15pm - Tuesday and Thursday - Eng 101
12:45-3:00 - Thursday - Computer

Then my work sched, since I do not know my day off yet for that time, six days a week, 8pm to 8am. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I know I have to drop something here. And I can assure you now, it won't be work.

No! no! no! No!

I have my future already planned. I have to graduate from nursing school by 2008. I have all my classes lined up.

Sadly, I don't think this will come to be.

Darn. Gusto ko tuloy maiyak.

School is so much important to me than work. I mean, sure I already have a bachelor's degree to be proud of, and that nursing is just a second degree, sure I already have a nice-paying job which I'm beginning to like, but still, I want to finish that nursing this 2008!

It's a matter of pride.

So, promise ko (and I have to post this so I won't forget), that no matter what, I won't drop my subjects, I won't quit school, I will finish my schooling by 2008, so help me God.

Like everything I've done in my life, paninindigan ko to, promise.

Why not just quit work, you might ask...

Well, for many reasons... one, it pays real good, as in almost three times my previous work (and by October that would be more than five times my previous work), second, I pay for my own schooling so I need the money, and third, for my shopping needs (why, of course!).

Hay. Bahala na.

***
Why is it that some people never learn?
You'd hear so many bad things about him, he broke your heart too many times, rumors are he's dating another girl, he's a major a**hole, but when he asked you back, you said yes.

I don't know if love is really, really blind, or you're just plain stupid.

Hay. Pag-ibig nga naman.

***
I found out something about myself today.

I am very, very much attracted to a man's laughter.

See, I didn't know that about myself, not until last night, when I heard a male co-worker laugh at a joke I made.

My reaction when I heard him laugh? Natigilan lang naman ako sa ginagawa ko at tinitigan sya. I found that sexy. hehe

***
Don't shoot me okay, but I'm lusting after a married guy with two kids.

Syet.

Why does he have to be so darn cute?

***
I laugh a lot when I'm at work. I show them I'm this ditzy girl, who loves wearing shirts with outrageous prints on them, and who loves to joke around.

But when I'm inside my car, driving back home, that's when it will hit me, I may fool everyone around me that I'm happy, but I cannot fool myself.

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A quick read of the prologue, and I'm hooked. I couldn't put down the book, even as my eyes hurt from a long period of reading, even if they demanded I take a rest, even if I was starting to feel the first pounds of a head ache coming, I couldn't put the darn book down.

I love, love, love The Da Vinci Code. Basta*. Maganda sya.

*Sowee, d ako marunong magbigay ng book reviews. Basahin nyo na lang to know what I'm talking about.

***
While reading the book, I was enlightened. Could it be the reason why I am miserable right now is that I just now woke up from a terrible dream that shook my reality? Or is it that the dream was actually a beautiful one, and I just now woke up against my will, and I'm not ready yet to accept that it was just all a dream? Probably the last one.

***
We're not moving out of the apartment yet. Darn. Found something wrong with the house (or rather with the location of the house) that we were supposed to buy, so my dad backed out of the deal. Hay. I want to move out now!

***
Remember I wrote about this guy from work whose lifetime mission is to find me a guy?

Well, see, that guy he found for me the first time wasn't interested (darn that guy! he hasn't seen me yet! grr) so now he said, and I quote, "Maghahanap pa ako para sayo..."

Yay! Is there something in the look on my face that shouts that 'this girl is desperate?'

And then he continued, "Ayaw pa cguro mag-asawa nun..."

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Who said anything about getting married????

Pero tawa lang ako. Sabay batok sa kanya, "Langya ka, nagmukha akong desperada! Kakahiya!"

He just laughed. And I can just hear the machineries working on his brain, probably trying to remember any single guy he knows to match me with.

I can just shake my head and look at him in exasperation.

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Wala ko maisip na title e. hehe. :)

***
Been reading her blog for the last three hours or so. Been reading her archives. I find her so witty and her life so entertaining that I decided to read everything she wrote in her blog.

So kahit masakit na ulo ko, coz I haven't had any sleep yet, I read on and on.

Bilib ako that she's going to law school and taking up her master's degree at the same time, plus she's also working as a teacher. Galing naman.

Basta, read her.:)

***
You know how people can be judgemental sometimes? I think Filipinos, most esp. have this bad trait. Wala lang. I mean, what if she dresses slutty, always donning those short-shorts, and spaghetti straps tops? Kaya lang naman mukhang hooker (or malandi, hey not my words but theirs) is because she's got big boobs and big butt.

Pero try making a skinny flat-chested girl with no butt to boot don that outfit, and they'd say she looks like a school girl, so cute.

I heard she is nice. So what if she also puts too much make-up on? That doesn't make a girl easy.

Geez, bakit ko ba sya pinagtatanggol? See, I'm not bitter. I, actually, am nice. I just don't like it when people fall into these categories when they prefer to wear different kinds of clothes from the conventional.

Don't judge a book by its cover, ika nga.

Di po lahat ng mahilig magsuot ng tight-fitting spaghetti straps tops ay malalandi. Summer ho ngayon. And besides, this is America. Who the hell cares? Haha. Filipinos, apparently. Conservative ones at that.

O siya. tama na.

***
It's a small world after all, as the song goes.

Small, small world for the two of us, apparently.

Pakshet.

Makaalis na nga ng Blackwood.

***
Did I mention here that one of the Filipino guy I work with, seems to be his lifetime mission is to find me a boyfriend?

In short, binubugaw ata ako sa mga kaibigan nya. Haha.

Do I look desperate? Nyehehe.

Him: HIndi naman. Kaso Amerika to, malungkot pag walang boyfriend...


Hah. I'll risk not having one for the mean time. Pakilala nyo na lang ako pag di na ako jaded...

***
Uyy, may crush akong itim. Haha. Again.

Patay tayo dyan. Na-aattract ako sa itim! Naykupo, what if makatuluyan ko itim?! Kawawa naman mga anak ko!

Deyeypee, bat mo ako sinusundan dito? hehe

***
Lastly, this is for a friend who reads my blog. You know who you are:

I know that eventhough you don't say it, you miss me as much as I miss you.

And although you don't want to show it, I know you care as you still read my blog, probably to keep you updated of my life, ryt?

Anyway, thanks for the time spent browsing through my nonsense ramblings. I appreciate it.

Miss na kita. One day soon, I'll call you. Or you'll call me. Whoever caves in first...

Dude, basta, miss ko na bonding. :( Take care of yourself aight?

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I was trying to change my template. But fool that I am, I thought that I could do it. Still needs to learn a lot of this html stuff. I'm beat. Been in front of my computer for 6 hours already. Tulog muna ako. Tuloy ko na lang bukas.

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I've lost my power over words (if ever I have one). Or my muse left me. I've been trying for days to write something decent here in my blog, but the words just wouldn't come.

I'd start to write about something funny that happened to me, but once I form the first sentence, my mind just goes blank. That funny thing that happened cease to be funny, and the words I'd written would seem flat and lifeless.

Just like my life...

***
I want my life to have purpose.

I want to have something to look forward to, at the start of each day, instead of dreading the dawn of a new day.

I want my life to have meaning.

But where do I start?

***
I just enrolled in another summer class beginning this 19th of July. I'm bored. I want something to do.

And taking another class might save me from the perils of destruction.

***
Went to the mall earlier and bought The Da Vinci Code. Heard great reviews on this one from former classmates. Decided to buy it.

And besides, don't want my mind to go to rut. Reading is supposed to save you from that right?

I was tempted to buy those romance novels I used to like way back in high school. Decided against it. Feh. I've grown out of those books now. Same old, tiring story of how a girl and boy met at the loneliest time of their life, fell in love, survived all the odds thrown at them, had great sex, and lived happily ever after. Same old, same old.

***
Went out with the folks earlier. Ate at Chili's. Sheesh, no wonder 60% of Americans are overweight. They served us plate-full of food laden with the greasiest steak there is, probably two (or is that three?) servings of mashed potatoes topped with sour cream sauce (or whatever that is), and a small serving of vegetables. All protein and carbs and too little veggies.

As I said, no wonder 60% of Americans are overweight if this is what they typically eat.

***
Also went to Checker's with Mags. Loved the fries there. Simply yummy. We're both skinny but one look at those fries, we decided to buy more, baka magkulang sa amin e. Syempre, matakaw lang talaga mata namin. We couldn't finish all those fries we ordered. Pano ba naman kaya,that's like 4 large fries na ha, e just two skinny girls are going to eat. As I said, matakaw lang tlga mata namin.

***
Still bordering on depression. Family problems ain't resolved yet. And I'm caught in the middle of it. Dang it.

***
We're buying a house na! Kewlie huh?

Crossing my fingers that the deal will fall off tomorrow. Folks are meeting with the broker or financer, or whatever he is called, tomorrow to sign the contract.

Yay! I'm excited. Can't wait to decorate my room there. Finally. I've been putting off decorating my room in our apartment coz I know we'll eventually be leaving it. And, what's cooler is that, I get to pick the second biggest room. (of course, folks get to pick the master's bedroom, which is the biggest room).

***
Walang patutunguhan ata blog ko ngayon a. Whatever. At least I have a post for the day. :)

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I heard this song on the radio while driving on the highway on my way home from work. I quickly looked up the lyrics on the internet. Nice.:)

You'll Think of Me
by Keith Urban

I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me

I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
So

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life

So take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me

And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday

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I just had my bangs cut real short.

No more of that one length hair I had since third grade.

I needed the change.

Since everything around me seems to be changing, I figured I need to change too.

So, I changed my hairstyle.

Not as bad as I thought actually. Nope. Not bad at all.

I hardly recognize myself. I look completely different. And I spent hours looking at myself at the mirror, so this new look kinda' grows on me.

***
Actually, I'm kinda' feeling low today and I needed something to preoccupy me so I fiddled with my hair.

I'm sad and I'm angry and I'm disappointed, and I'm bordering on depression. And I really wanted someone to talk to, and yet that one person who I can really talk to is gone.

You know how it hurts so bad when something really bad happens to you and yet everyone seems to be blaming you, and not the culprit?

Hello, you're the victim here! So why does it feel like it's your fault when it's 100% not your fault?

Why do some bad people get away with what they did, and why does the victim have to live to the consequences of what that bad person did?

Argh. I wanna get out of this state. I hate the people who lives here. Really I do. That one person whom I thought I could trust turned out to be a pervert, then that other person whom I also thought I could trust turned out to be an arrogant jerk, and those people whom I really love are fighting...

Argh. I'm not making any sense!

Let's just say that I'm the victim and yet I feel like I was at fault somehow.

***
What made me even sadder is the news that my cousins are moving to Texas, probably this August or September. Or sooner. Who knows?

Hay, Mags, is that true? Now, who am I gonna call when I want to go to the mall, when I want to go shopping, when I want to watch a movie? Who's going to be riding at the passenger seat of my car when I get lost driving around in circles? Who's gonna listen to me rant and rant about the state of my love life (or rather the lack of it)? Who's gonna be there for me when I fall in-love again? Who's gonna be there for me when I get my heart broken one more time? Who's gonna see me cry? Who's gonna listen to my tale of woes?

But I know why you're leaving... believe me, I want to leave this state too. This is getting too much for me, what with the problems of the family and all. I wish I could go with you guys. Take me with you, will ya?

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Having resigned myself to spending my day off sleeping the whole day, 'twas a pleasant surprise to hear from my new friend Ela inviting me to hang out with her and her friend Rammy.

Actually, it was more of a plea rather than an invitation. Apparently, this Rammy (an Egyptian guy) seems to be hitting on her, and Ela wanted me to chaperon them coz she doesn't want to be alone with him.

So, a good friend that I am, ten minutes later I was sitting at the park where they were. Besides from being bored out of my wits at home, I also wanted to check out this Rammy guy.

We were just hanging out at the park when we decided to play billiards. Ela and I don't know how to play that game, but we wanted to learn. I know I never learned way back in college. I used to go with my friends when they played billiards, but I just watch them play. I usually just go with them for the drinks, or just to hang-out.

Rammy taught us how to play. And I actually beat Ela. Harhar. They said I get too hyper playing. Hehe. You know me, I'm loud. I couldn't help it. I have to shriek out loud when I manage to put the ball on the hole (er, however do u say that?). And I have to do a little dancing too, I mean, what's the fun of the game if you don't get hyper ryt?

Afterwards, we went to this resto called Star View and ate the usual All American food, Cheeseburger and fries. Had a few drinks too. My gosh, I tell you, that stuff I had was so strong. One sip, and it went straight in my head.

I had a good time tonight, albeit I was only a chaperon. At least I wasn't home moping, ryt?

Oh and yeah, I just have to quote what Rammy said earlier when I told them that I've just been called a slut by my ex-borfriend...

"Your Filipino guys don't deserve you Filipino girls..."

Hehe. Don't I just know it? But I have to disagree. The Filipino guys I meet here in the States are jerks, yes, but those Filipinos in the Philippines, now they're completely different. As I said, there's something about this country that changes a person.

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Try as I might not to let it bother me, his text "ur juz one of them sluts i met around the corner," hurt. It did bother me. It bothered me so much that I still think about it today. Earlier at work, that offensive word kept reverberating in my head, over and over again, as if mocking me, as if he said it infront of my face rather than just a text message.

And his next text, "Sori kung ano ung nasabi ko I didn't mean it...sori" didn't help lessen the blow. It still goddamn freaking hurts.

I said I'd let it slide. But I find that I can't. Coz that word affected me more than it should.

Does having had one too many romantic relationships constitute a slut? Does having slept with a man make you a slut? Does flirting with men all the time makes you a slut? Does having more boy friends than girl friends makes you a slut? Does giving your number to a man you barely know makes you a slut?

I don't think I deserve to be called that offensive word. That's probably the worst thing a person ever said to me. And it hurts. It freaking hurts.

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