Weirdest Thing

A couple of nights ago, I dreamt of one of my exes.

It's weird because I know for sure that I'm completely over him. We didn't end the relationship in the best of terms, but a few months of virtually zero communication with him, fate had found a way to erase all the bitterness. We had the chance to talk, and I'm glad to say that, eventhough we could never be the best of friends, we finally threw away all that bullshit and all the memories that came along with it.

I know he's happy now, and I know that I am too.

But then, why dream of him? What was my subconscious trying to tell me?

****
Two years of living here in New Jersey, I realized that my perception of being overweight has changed.

You see, I remembered back in college, I would whine to all of my friends that I'm fat. I, who weigh 118 lbs, thought that I was fat.

It doesn't help that most of my friends would comment of my bulging arms, big tummy, and puffy cheeks.

I wasn't fat. Actually that 118 lbs was just the right weight for my height.

But living in a country where almost everyone is skinny, I, with the big tummy, big arms and puffy cheeks, was considered fat.

But when I came here in America, people called me a little girl. Imagine my delight at being called little. Haha. I know it's shallow, but I think that because of being surrounded with big Americans, I realized how foolish I was to think that I was ever fat.

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I got lost while driving... again.

You'd think that having resided here in New Jersey for two years I would know by now my way home.

Well... yes. But not when there's a roadwork going on, and the signs tell you to take the alternative route. Then you say, fuck! what alternative route? And so you follow your instinct and keep on driving, only your instinct on directions is really not reliable at all. You should have realized that when you've been driving straight to nowhere for 30 minutes already. And only then do you turn back and drive another 30 minutes just to get back to where you started.

And then you feel foolish because if only you read the signs more clearly, without panicking, then you would have been home an hour ago.

And then you feel more stupid because you've just used a quarter of your filled-up gas tank from driving to nowhere land.

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I haven't blogged much lately.

You see, blogging was therapeutic for me. On those months that I blogged religiously everyday, it was because I needed the blog for the release of my heartaches with exes, problems with families, and personal struggles. It helped me through the worst times of my life.

And now that I've triumph from all the demons that I faced, I find myself sitting in front of my computer, looking at the blank page in front of me, and trying vainly to come up with something to write.

Not that I'm complaining. Not posting anything on this blog can only mean one thing for me -- I'm happy. :)

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I'm taking up Microbiology for this fall semester. And horror of horrors, I got the professor whom everyone told me not to get! Talk about bad luck. I can't drop it now because I need to be on track with my nursing plans. If I do drop it, I'll be way, way behind, and god knows when I'll finish my nursing degree.

And much to my dismay, all the other Microbiology classes are closed now.

So yeah, I'm stuck with that professor. That professor who eats her students alive! That class where three-fourths of the students drop out because they couldn't take the 'strictness' of the prof anymore! That class where you have to "dumaan sa butas ng karayom" in order to pass.

Hayy. You think I can do it? Gee, I hope so. I'll just take it as a challenge.

***
And speaking of school... I'm so proud to say that (drumroll please) I got into the dean's list again for the spring semester.

I swear I don't know how I do it.

I'm almost always absent from school. And the times I was there, I was half-asleep because I was too tired from work the night before.

Genius ba? Haha. I wish. I just find that when you've experienced school in the Philippines, being a student here would be a breeze.

Basta, iba e.

But then again, I'm still not taking my nursing subjects so I shouldn't be talking like this.

***
My sister's giving birth in about a month! Man, I can't wait for the baby to come in our lives.

I know there's gonna be a lot of changes in this household, but I'm really just so excited. She's gonna be such a blessing for us.

I'm going to be a doting aunt, that's for sure.

I'm going to teach her a lot of stuff. I'm gonna make her love reading. I want her to be smart.

OOhh. I'm just really so excited!

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Blind Faith


I'm going back to my church. Not because I believe in the Catholic Church once again, because I honestly don't. It's because maybe, just maybe, I will find myself one more time. I seemed to have lost something in me that I'm desperately trying to get back. And if going back to my church would help me retrieve that missing something, then you would find me sitting on the pew on Sundays.

***
Ryan asked me what the true Filipino value is. The one that is not influenced by years of being in the hands of foreigners. And it took me a while to answer. Actually, it took me a day to answer it. For the life of me, I can't seem to come up of an answer that would describe what is distinctly a Filipino value.

Then it came to me.A true Filipino value is the respect for the elders. That value is definitely missing from the American culture.

***
Work is giving me a lot of stress right now. I don't like my co-workers. They say a lot of offensive things to me that makes me cringe, or most often than not, ruffle my feathers. I swear, these Americans are crazy!

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Why I haven't blogged


There are only two reasons, actually. First one is not because I've been soooo busy. Oh no siree. I haven't been busy at all. It's for the simple reason that I really don't have any exciting news to share that I don't have any words to write in this blog.

Second, I'm just too lazy to post anything. I don't know. I guess the magic of blogging left me. Or maybe because I'm happy with my life right now that I really don't have the need to rant.


Anyway, I'm hoping that my plan to visit Philippines in February will push through. I'm really so excited about that. Sooo excited, in fact, that I imagine scenarios in my head on what it would be like to be home.

Ryan's dad asked me how much I miss the Philippines, in a scale of one to ten, with ten being the highest, and I answered without hesitation, "Ten!" Oh yeah, I miss Philippines that much! His mom asked me what I miss about it. I answered her, I miss the clear, blue summer sky. I miss seeing the stars at night. You really can't appreciate the sky here in New Jersey because for some reason the sky is not so blue, and the stars are missing. Basta, it's just so different.

I miss the food. Even though I still eat Pinoy food here, cause my mom cooks it still, it's still different. It's because you have to improvised. There are no kangkongs for your sinigang. SO you use, broccoli instead. I know that sounds weird but it really isn't. Then there really is no tamarind , so you have to use those ready-made packs of sinigang powder. It just isn't the same.

I miss my friends. Oh god, how I miss them!

So I'm praying very hard that nothing would deter me from going back to the Philippines this Feb, or else, or else, I don't know what I'll do. I'll prbably cry!

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Tabing-ilog




I spent a three-day weekend with Ryan and his parents at their bahay-bakasyunan in Ithaca, New York. It was such a breathtaking and peaceful place. Their cottage is situated in the middle of the woods, where (as Ryan gladly informed me) there are black bears (which, he assured me, don't attack people, and to that I reply with a 'yeah, ryt') deer, coyotes, racoons, foxes, wolves and snakes. Thankfully, I only saw a deer, and it didn't attack us.

We spent three-days of bliss. It was like a piece of heaven on earth. There was no television, radio or internet. No disturbance from the modern technology that people seem to need so much. We entertained ourselves by reading books, playing card games, swimming in the very clear waters of the lake, and hiking.

At night, you'll fall asleep at the different sounds of life in the woods, from the chirping of the birds, to the waves of the lake, to whatever animal it was the howled in the night.

But I was never creeped out. It was like being one with nature.

Here are some of the pictures I took at the lake...


This is Ryan's Dad looking out at the lake.


The cottage where we stayed.



The breathtaking view from the cottage...


The waterfall, although there really isn't a lot of water falling 'cause of summer's heat


couldn't resist taking a picture of the sun, hidden behind the trees at the woods...


ganda view, ganda rin babae hehe

***more pictures next time...

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