Losing Faith

I am born and raised Catholic. In fact, from kindergarten up to my college in the Philippines, I went to Catholic schools.

I know all about the Catholic faith. I can defend the existence of God through what my philosophy professors taught me. I know all the stories in the bible. In fact, when I was a freshman in high school, I participated in a Bible quiz. Well, I didn't win, but that's not the point. I became one of the "contestants" because I have the highest grade in my religion class.

I used to go to church every Sunday. I used to pray the Novena every Wednesday with my friend. Though I may not be a devout Catholic, I still believed. I still believed in the Catholic teachings. I still believed in the goodness of the Catholic faith.

I used to feel guilty for missing church. I used to pray before I go to sleep and the first moment I wake up. I used to pray before I eat my meals. I used to pray in college before a class would start.

But now, slowly but surely, I'm losing my faith in the Catholic Church. Who wouldn't? You hear news every once in a while about priests molesting their parishioners. About priests raping a child. About priests involved in sexual scandal. About priests who gamble. About priests who have wives.

These are the same priests who preached about what a true Catholic must be. These are the same priests who taught us to be good people. These are the same priests who taught us what is right from what is wrong.

I'm losing my faith...

Then you see Rome and you wonder, if the Catholic Church teach us to help alleviate poverty, teach us to help the poor people, teach us to share, then how come their churches are made of gold? How come it is probably one of the richest countries in the world? How come they just don't give what they have to the poor people? Afterall, maybe if they sell all the gold that they have on their churches, live a life of poverty (as is one of the vows priests make), then maybe, just maybe, there would be less poor people in this world.

I'm losing my faith...

Or maybe I have lost it already. I do not go to church every Sunday anymore. I still believe in God. I still believe there is a higher Being out there. I still stand by my principles, which stemmed out of the teachings of Catholic Church, the teachings that I've learned from my 14 years of Catholic education.

But I don't believe in the Catholic Church anymore. I had already lost my faith in them.