Sometimes I just want to quit.

But then I know that there are a lot of people waiting for me to say that, waiting for me to fail, waiting for my downfall. And I don't want to give them the perverse pleasure of seeing me give up. So I won't.

They say pride is a sin. But then, it's what's keeping me going right now.

***

Can you forgive someone who hurt you really bad? I say you could. But not when his actions caused a series of reactions that made me and my family look bad. And not when he says he's sorry but doesn't do anything to undo what he's done.

I can still take what you guys are doing and saying behind my back. But remember this, I will kick ass one day. And you'll never know what hit you. So watch out. And no, it's not a threat, just saying it as it is.

Hayy. I wish you knew about this blog.

***
Obviously guys I'm rambling. I just want to get this all out of my chest. Forgive me.

***
Will write a better post next time. Ciao.

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Losing Faith

I am born and raised Catholic. In fact, from kindergarten up to my college in the Philippines, I went to Catholic schools.

I know all about the Catholic faith. I can defend the existence of God through what my philosophy professors taught me. I know all the stories in the bible. In fact, when I was a freshman in high school, I participated in a Bible quiz. Well, I didn't win, but that's not the point. I became one of the "contestants" because I have the highest grade in my religion class.

I used to go to church every Sunday. I used to pray the Novena every Wednesday with my friend. Though I may not be a devout Catholic, I still believed. I still believed in the Catholic teachings. I still believed in the goodness of the Catholic faith.

I used to feel guilty for missing church. I used to pray before I go to sleep and the first moment I wake up. I used to pray before I eat my meals. I used to pray in college before a class would start.

But now, slowly but surely, I'm losing my faith in the Catholic Church. Who wouldn't? You hear news every once in a while about priests molesting their parishioners. About priests raping a child. About priests involved in sexual scandal. About priests who gamble. About priests who have wives.

These are the same priests who preached about what a true Catholic must be. These are the same priests who taught us to be good people. These are the same priests who taught us what is right from what is wrong.

I'm losing my faith...

Then you see Rome and you wonder, if the Catholic Church teach us to help alleviate poverty, teach us to help the poor people, teach us to share, then how come their churches are made of gold? How come it is probably one of the richest countries in the world? How come they just don't give what they have to the poor people? Afterall, maybe if they sell all the gold that they have on their churches, live a life of poverty (as is one of the vows priests make), then maybe, just maybe, there would be less poor people in this world.

I'm losing my faith...

Or maybe I have lost it already. I do not go to church every Sunday anymore. I still believe in God. I still believe there is a higher Being out there. I still stand by my principles, which stemmed out of the teachings of Catholic Church, the teachings that I've learned from my 14 years of Catholic education.

But I don't believe in the Catholic Church anymore. I had already lost my faith in them.

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Guess who's back?

Nothing really exciting happened to my life this month, which accounts for my lack of posts. Added to that is my laziness-disorder, which of course didn't help at all into getting my ass in front of a computer and actually typing something relevant.

Oh wells.

So what's new?

Hmmm... let's see... spring semester is almost over. Two more weeks of hell-hole and then I've got one month free, then off to school again for summer class. I decided to take developmental psych this summer. I figured I needed to take all the classes I can take now so I'll be finally done with this nursing school. I'm aiming for at least a "B" in my Anatomy and Physiology II class. Heck, I don't care. As long as I don't see and touch a dead cat in front of me ever again, I will rejoice with that grade. I swear the smell of it makes me wanna puke all over the room!

And then I'm hoping for an "A" in my English Comp I. That class was oober easy!

What else is new?

My eldest sister, Ate Teem, is finally, finally getting married February of next year. Well, it's about damn time! She's not getting any younger anymore. She's already 30 years old. (haha! good thing she doesn't know about this blog or she'll kill me for announcing her age to the world) SO, plans have changed. I'm going back to the Philippines on February instead of November of this year. Suits me. I could still save up some money then.

Then my other sister, ATe Lanie, will give birth this September. I'm so, so excited already! I can't wait. I'm going to be an aunt. Yippee yayo!

And last but not least, I'm going out with someone... yes, that soon. I don't want to disclose anymore information on this blog. Whenever I do, I feel like I'm being jinxed or something. Sooo, the lovelife is going to be a private matter for me from now on. I just want to say though, that I'm happy, really, really happy. I'm crossing my fingers he's finally the one. :))

Well, that's it for now. Rest assured my avid readers (as if there are any) that I'll be blogging more frequently from now on.

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