I'm so tired already. Of pretending I'm fine when I'm not. I'm so tired of smiling, cracking up a joke or two, giving out the loudest laugh, forcing that stupid little grin on my mouth, when all I want to do is cry.

I'm so tired of hiding behind this mask I put on the moment I wake up. I'm so tired of injecting that jolly note on my voice whenever you call. I'm so tired of pretending to be happy for you when deep inside I'm dying again and again and again.

I've got a lot of regrets in this life. If only I could rewind the past few months for me, I would. I made a lot of mistakes. And one thing I'm sure gonna change, if I could, is the last couple of months that had gone by. I would definitely not had made the choices I did at the start of the new year.

I'm a coward for doing this, but for now I choose to run away. Not forever, coz I know you cannot really run away from problems. But I'll run away for now. And I hope when I choose to face you again, the problems I thought so big now, would become trivial to me by that time.

I'll bury myself in work and books. And no one can penetrate behind the wall I would build for myself. Not you. Not him. Not anyone.

***
Please pray for my Grandma

My grandma is in the ICU right now due to nose bleeding that wouldn't stop. She already lost a lot of blood, and had already undergone blood transfusion.

She is expected to have surgery when the bleeding stops but up to now the bleeding is still continuous.

I really hope she's gonna be okay.