As I'm typing this entry, my ear is glued to the phone, listening to the sound of breathing of the man I used to love, as he sleeps at the other end of the line.

Moments I've tried to forget flashes one by one in my mind, as if showing me of what used to be and comparing it to what we have now.

For a fleeting second, I felt lonely. I was left wondering what went wrong that we both had to give up on what we used to have. What made me say we're better off as friends. What made me stop believing in love. What made me tired of relationships. What made me give up on the feeling.

How I wish tears would fall right now, but my eyes must have dried up already, owing to the millions of teardrops that already fell because of him.

After loneliness, I felt regret. Regret that it didn't work out, regret because I know we wouldn't be doing anything to make it work out.

But as minutes ticked by, as I listen to his even breathing, I smile. I smile because it is indeed better this way, that we are just friends. It is better this way that we gave up the fight. Better because we seem to be much closer now than we used to be.

I fought off going to sleep myself. I want to stay awake and just listen to him. I want to be awake when he wakes up. I want him to know that I'm still there for him, no matter that we both had to give up something special.

The love may have been lost, and the memories may have faded out already, but I'm glad that we still have this special kind of friendship between us.