How much more pain can a heart take before it finally breaks down?

Earlier this morning, while I was at work, my supervisor, Dan, asked me,

"So, are you and your boyfriend back together?"

His question threw me offguard for a moment, but I smiled a sad smile, and shook my head no.

"No, Dan, it's over. It's really over this time."

He squeezed my shoulder in comfort and said, "He's a fool Joyce. He's a fool to ever let go of a person like you."

I was deeply touched by his words, and the sincerity I heard behind those words. I actually almost bawled in front of him, but instead I took ahold of myself, and smiled, "Thanks Dan. I really needed to hear that."

Sometimes it takes that kind of sincere compliment to uplift your spirit esp. when everything looks so gloomy. But sometimes even that sincere compliment couldn't take the blues away, esp. if your whole world just keeps falling apart day after day after day.

***
Yeah, it's really over for us this time.

What can I say, we tried but it didn't work out. Not because something's wrong with me, or something's wrong with him, but I think it's because it isn't our time yet.

I told him, while we were saying our farewells, 'More than anything else, I feel like I've lost my best friend..." It's true. In the few short months that I've known him, he had touched my life more than twice those people I know or who knew me. He was probably the only person who had known me inside out, all my thoughts and emotions, with no holds barred. So, I grieve more for the lost of a friend, rather than the lost of a boyfriend.

I feel so many mixed emotions right now, that sometimes I wonder what is it I really feel. Yes, I am sad, disappointed, lonely and miserable. But sometimes I also feel this anger at me, and anger at him. Yes, I am angry when I think about it. I don't even wanna discuss what I'm angry about. I try not to think about it.

He asks me for friendship. I wonder would it be the same? How can you be friends with someone who has hurt you deeply? How can you pretend that everything is alright, that everything is the same when it isn't the same anymore? It would never be the same anymore, coz though I love him, I already lost my faith in him. And I am not the same girl I used to be.

Although yes, I give him the friendship he was asking of me. And I hope, if all else fails, our friendship won't. But i doubt it. I really doubt it.