Happy New Year everyone!

***

I made a promise a long time ago that I would never hurt another person again, unintentionally or not, I would not travel that road one more time.

***
It's not a good feeling to see someone cry in front of you because you've hurt him. Even though you say it's for the best, even though you know there is no other way but to say goodbye.

It pierces the heart to know that every drop of tear that falls from his eyes is caused by you. What's more is that you'd be surprised to realize by hurting him, you are hurting yourself too.

You try to forget him. You live your life without him, in the back of your mind, you're wishing he forgets you too and try to live his own life. But then, you call yourself a liar, for if during the day, you smile, you laugh and pretend there are no regrets, during the night, you can't help but dwell on the regrets.

Somehow as the days passed, you thought you had already forgotten him. You fooled yourself into thinking the pain has long been gone, and the tears have already been washed away.

But you heard someone mention his name. You heard he finally found someone to love again. In front of others, you smiled, pretended to be happy for him. At least, you say, he finaly got over what you did to him. He finally moved on. But at the dark corner of your room, you asked yourself how he could have forgotten you so easily? How could he have moved on so fast? But you berate yourself, if you yourself had found someone else so fast, then it is good that he had found someone else too.

And then you try to forget what you've heard. And you tried so hard to be happy for him. You tell yourself you're happy for him. And as the time passed, you even believed it yourself.

Months passed. You thought you had forgotten him already. Afterall, you are now happy with someone else.

But then he heard you were going off somewhere faraway. And after a long time, he came back. He told you he loves you still. And he cannot let you go without you knowing it. Yes, you'd hurt him so bad. So bad that he had played around with girls just to forget you. He searched and searched for a replacement. But he realized no one can replace you.

Then you cry. For you just then realize how strong is his love for you. And you feel ashamed for hurting him. As you look in his eyes, you see the love shining so brightly, and you cry harder. Right there and then, he is offering his heart, his life is in your hands once again. He stripped away his pride just for you. Just so you know how much you mean to him.

But still you cry, because for the second time in your life, you're going to hurt him again. Just like before. And you don't know how you can bear to see that look in his face, as you shatter his world one more time.

And then a lone tear falls from his eye, for even though you don't speak, he got his answer. And then he smiled that sad smile, and hugs you tightly. Then he walks away.

And you were left there standing alone. Amazed at him. And yet sad, for you had hurt him one more time. You tell yourself you really don't deserve a good man like him.

And you become sad. He is so good to you. How come you don't love him?

***
No... I would not travel that road one more time. Once is enough in a lifetime.