A dear friend's grief

What can you really say to alleviate the sadness of a friend who just lost his dad? How can you tell him you're sorry for his loss? What words do you use to say you empathize with him?

A close friend from the Philippines just lost his dad. And I really, really feel so sad for him. I've known my friend since high school, and I know his family too.

I called him the other day to tell him that I'm deeply sorry for his loss. I asked him if he's okay, which is pretty stupid of me since I know he's not okay. How can you be okay when you just lost your dad? But bravely, he told me he's fine, that he has already accepted his dad's death.

But underneath those brave words, I felt his grief. I heard the catch in his voice, as if he was about to cry. He told me that his dad got a lot of health complications. He stayed in a hospital for a while. He told me his dad gave a good fight, but in the end he just let go.

I wanted so much to hug my friend. I wanted so much to tell him that I wish I could be there for him. I wanted so much to just sit beside him, hold his hand, as we cry together.

And it hurts me so much that I couldn't do all that. It hurts me so much that I couldn't be there for him in his time of grief. It pains me that there is these thousands of miles of disatnce between us. It pains me that I couldn't reach out to him and hug him, and reassure him of my presence. It pains me that all I could do is call him on the phone.

I know how hard this has been for him. I guess all I could do now is offer my prayers for him and his family. I hope that would be enough.

***
On Splurging

My bank account is experiencing a big dent on its balance right now.

I simply couldn't resist all those sales on the mall. I went there earlier with my mom and dad, and I just kept getting and getting stuff that were on sale.

Like that cutie red rubber shoes from Skechers that was 20% off its original price. And those adorable winter jackets that were 40% off (but still cost too much but hey I'll be needing those coats. Winter is just around the corner, right?:-). And those cute sweaters. Geez. Couldn't resist.

Now I feel so guilty... not! Haha. I had fun shopping.

Also bought this scented candle from Yankee Candles Co. that is like a lampshade. So cute. Costs a little too much, but nevertheless worth it (uh, I think).

So now, I don't know how much more money I got on my bank. But heck, I had fun shopping. Don't we all?

***
Christmas Blues

Yesterday, while driving home from my Lola's house, my brother turned on the radio of the car. Christmas songs greeted us.

Instead of being happy about it, everyone in the car lapsed into silence.

The "Jingle Bell Rock" song was frowned upon.

And then these words from an old Christmas song almost made me cry...

"I'll be home for Christmas... You can count on it."

Damn. That song was like a dagger in my heart. It hurt too much to be thinking of Christmas, and not spending it in the Philippines. It hurt too much to be thinking of Christmas, and not spending it with my baby. It hurts too much that I'll not be spending a lot of Christmases with him...

"I'll be home for Christmas... If only in my dreams."