Finally, progress!

I no longer become a stuttering idiot when Duran Darand (right spelling of his name) walks up to me and say hi.

I no longer feel the blush starting at my neck and working its way up my whole face when he smiles at me.

I'm no longer speechless when he strikes up a conversation.

I no longer give him monosyllables like "Uhm, yeah", "Uh-huh", or "No" when he talks to me.

I have gone past that. Well, okay, not really, but almost. Hehe

We are now on the stage where we joke around with each other. Well, how about that huh?

I can now formulate one whole sentence without stuttering, or blushing, or giving him that silly grin and basically looking like a fool.

Wahoo!

Darn he is so cute! :)

***
Thanks!

To all those who responded to my cry for help.

Thanks so much.

I haven't quite figured it out yet, coz, um, yeah, I am slow when it comes to computer stuff, but I know, someday I will. Maybe, five years from now? Hehe. I hope not.

***
Butterfly, Flutterby

Does being decisive comes with age?

Does knowing what you want to do with your life comes with maturity?

Does having long-term goals mean that your life has direction?

If the answer to all these questions is a resounding yes, then I am young, immature and uh, well, my life has no direction.

Right now, I feel like a twenty-year-old kid who was forced to grow up too soon, and yet, is still a kid at heart.

First off, I was taken away from the comfort and security of my home where I always get what I want at the snap of my fingers, to a strange place (and strange people) where I am expected to live for the rest of my life, with no a few friends to speak of, and where I am expected to work my butt off to survive.

Second, I'm into a relationship that at first I thought was not that serious ( I didn't even introduce him to my parents and siblings), but then he decided to change the rules of the game and is now proposing marriage left and right, planning my our future, expecting me to be ready with that kind of stuff.

Third, I have a bachelor's degree, and currently taking up paralegal courses, and yet despite all these education behind my name I still don't know what career I want for the rest of my life. Incidentally, after that paralegal course, I'm still thinking of taking up another course. I tell people it's because I want my mind to grow, but truthfully, I don't know what to do with my life, and I'm still looking for that one thing that would make me say 'Yes! This is it! This is what I want to do."

Some say I'm still young. Everything will come into place eventually. One day I'll just finally slide into my rightful spot in the world. But heck, when will that time come? I am so clueless.

Like today, in school, my professor made us write two paragraphs about your long-term goals, and your short-term goals, and how these goals relate to each other. She gave us guide questions like, how do you see yourself five years from now?. And I only wrote quite a few sentences actually. When I was finished I saw most of my classmates were seemingly writing a novel! Wow, I thought to myself, they really know what they want to do with their life! While as for me, the first thing that came to my mind when that professor told us to write that, is this: How can I write how I see myself five years from now, when I can barely picture where I'm gonna be a month from now?

Right now, I compare myself to a butterfly. Doesn't a butterfly, flit from one flower to another seemingly looking for something? But maybe, unlike a butterfly, I would someday find what I'm looking for, not only in life, but in love as well.