P r a g m a t i c D r e a m e r

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

I'm sorry. I really am.

I guess, up until now, I still don't know how much you do love me. I mean, sure I hear you say over and over again on the phone how much you love me and how much you wanted to marry me... and that when I go back to the Philippines, we'll get married ryt away...

But hearing those words seemed never enough for me... I don't know. I guess I haven't forgotten yet. Or maybe I want to forget, yet my subconsious stored that memory deep inside, and once in a while I remember... and it still hurts...

Does that mean that I haven't forgiven you yet? Coz they say to forgive is to forget. But damn, I can't seem to forget. It was my first heartache, and I guess the wound, alhough not fresh, still acts up once in a while...

I don't know what's wrong with me... didn't Jeff say you had forgotten her? What else proof do I need?

But tonight, when you called me, very much pissed because you thought I forgot my promise that I'd call, I woke up from my seemingly endless self-pity.

I heard in your voice the fear of losing me. I heard the uncertainty when you asked me if I still love you. I felt how frightened you are when you made me promise never to leave you...

You told me to please keep my promises... if I say I would call, then please do call, you say... coz ur waiting... and when I don't call, you say you fear that I might have forgotten u already.

Our roles had been reversed...

Wasn't it only yesterday when I had that same uncertainty... that same doubt that you might not stay... that u might leave me?

Wasn't it only yesterday when I had that same desperation to hear your voice, to see you?

I should be happy about it, ryt? But I'm not. Coz I know love is based on trust. But it seemed the trust between us hangs on a thin rope.

And damn, I don't know what to do about it.

posted at 11:27 PM by joyce

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