Have you ever wondered where the direction of your life might be leading? I have often wondered about that. And I have often wondered if I am going to the right road. I am not talking about the eight fold path and doing good deeds and all those balderdash they teach us in our religion.

I am talking about making the right decisions in life. I am talking about how those decisions could affect the course of your existence. I am talking about the lessons learned and if, in the long run, that they may be worth all that you’ve gone through.

I remember one email forwarded to me by a friend, titled Being Twenty Something. Reading that essay touched a cord deep inside me. It had become somewhat an epitome of all that I’m feeling within. Let me share this essay with you:

Being Twenty Something

They call it the "Quarterlife Crisis." It is when you stop going along
with
the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about
yourself
that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and
wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because
you
barely
know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those
friends
that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people
you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of
the
most
important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that
too
and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are
as
confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would
be
doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going
to
have to start at the bottom and are scared.


You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the
same
people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't
so
great after all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you
want
and do not want.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and
find
yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that
you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of
what
is
acceptable and what is not.


You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest
force
of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon
realize
that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing
to
do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such
damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone
decent
enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone
else
too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a
bad
person.


You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for
yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just
like to be a contender!


What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are
in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to
figure this whole thing out.

There is also one song that encompasses the uncertainty I had been feeling lately:

Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Where are you going to? Do you know? Do you get what you’re hoping for? When you look inside you there’s no open door, what are you hoping for. Do you know?

They say there is such a thing as midlife crisis. I say, being twenty, old enough to know what you want, but young enough to be scared of what life has to offer, is enough crisis for one lifetime.