for the month of augustAugust 2, 2003
7:45pm

I started working for Camden County Hospital last Tuesday. The work has its ups and downs. Basically, all I do is set up a cart with condiments, plates, glasses, silverware, fruits, some sandwiches and drinks. And then I would go to my assigned dining area for the day, set up and display all the things I got on the dining area. After that, a cook will give me trays of foods to serve and then when it is already 7:30am (breakfast) and 12pm (lunch) I will give them to the residents. Afterwards, I would clean up, go to the kitchen and wash the dishes. That’s my work. Nothing to do with my college diploma. I just kept thinking that I would have money at the end of the week that’s why I survive.

The perks of my work are the residents. Some are really outrageously funny. Most of them are old people (well, duh! It’s a nursing home). Most of them had already gone senile, they brought back their childhood with them. There is this old man named Harry, who drools down his front shirt, and likes coffee every morning. My supervisor teased him a lot, but all Harry could do was say ‘No! No!” anyway, you should see him. He’s really funny and adorable.

Then there is one old lady, I don’t know her name. She keeps saying, “Help me! Help me!” all the time. And when asked what was wrong she’s say, “I don’t know! Everything is wrong!” and then she would again call for help.

And there is another old lady who is so paranoid, she keeps cussing. When I was cleaning the tables, she was shouting at me, cursing me. and I would say, “What? I’m just cleaning up! I’m gonna wash your dishes for you, you know.” And she would still curse.

But really, old people can be funny sometimes. I’m beginning to like my work. I’m getting to see the side of growing old.

Sometimes, I’d get scared by what I see. I hope when I get older, my family wouldn’t put me in a nursing home......


August 10, 2003
3:58pm

PARTY AND DANCING

The whole Nicdao clan was invited to a graduation party last night. Rian, the son of the friend of grandma just finished his high school this year. He said he plans to take up nursing in college. Well, good for him. I hope he succeeds in his chosen career. As for me and my plans in going back to college and taking up nursing... I don’t know if I would go trough with the plan, now that I’ve already enrolled Paralegal Studies.

Anyway, the party was a little boring. I can’t seem to jive with my other cousins here, maybe because of the language barrier. I mean, I have to think really hard first before I’m going to say something. And believe me, that’s a bummer. I tried to liven up my time at the party by dancing. And yes, I had fun...a little bit...beats not doing anything.

Anyway, I told my relatives about my big crush on cutie supervisor Duran. When they found out he is black, they were like, eew. You should’ve seen their faces. It was so funny. They couldn’t believe I have a crush on some black guy.

Isn’t that discrimination? Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s not good enough. Not that I’m marrying him or anything. It’s just that, I gleaned from their reactions that a black isn’t good enough or something. Well duh that’s being a snob.


August 8, 2003
8:11pm

BEGINNING TO LIKE WORK

I’m beginning to like my work now. I know it might sound so childish...but you see, one of the reasons I’m starting to like my work now is because of one of my supervisor. His name is Duran. He is a black American. But then who cares? He is so damn cute! Pardon my profanity. But really, every time I see him, my heart just melts. He really makes my day. He is the reason why I wake up at dawn, and happily saunter to the hospital where I work.

I know these things I say sound so exaggerated but I gotta have an incentive. And in some way, seeing Duran, catching a glimpse of his smile, hearing him say hello is enough incentive for me to continue working without complaint no matter how hard it is.

Of course I have other reasons why I’m beginning to like work. For one, I get to practice my English oral communication. I mean, sure I write well in English. I could convey my feelings easily through written work. But I’m kinda’ hopeless in oral communication. It’s not the same as writing it down. But I’m learning and that’s good.

Another reason is that I’m establishing rapport with my younger co-workers, like Erin. He is Jamaican, I think. Anyway, he’s really funny and crazy. And he makes me laugh. He’s friendly. He’s kind. At least I’m beginning to form friendship of some sort here in the states.

Back to my big crush on Duran... I told my monologue man about it. I forgot that he is one heck of a jealous guy. Coz when I told him he really got so jealous. He told me things like I can forget him that easily. You know in some ways, he is the exact opposite of my ex. Coz my ex would understand easily. He would even tease me about my crush. I guess he can joke to me about it because he was secure in my love for him. that just shows to show how insecure my monologue man is. Oh well.

* * *

I told my monologue man about my enrollment in the program Paralegal Studies. He made me cry in his reaction. He told me to make up my mind on what I want to do with my life. He said he thought I would be taking up nursing. And then now, I went and enrolled myself in Paralegal Studies. He told me that if I change my mind so easily on those kinds of things, would I also have a change of heart regarding my lovelife? I felt that he doesn’t support me. But I guess I understand him because he’s really insecure. He’s afraid that I might just forget him easily and drop him when I see better opportunities for me. I understand how he could get insecure since we are really so far from each other. I get a little insecure too when I think of HER.

August 7, 2003
1:40pm

SCARED OUT OF MY WITS

I just enrolled for Paralegal Studies at Camden County Vocational School, and I’m scared out of my wits. My father sort of inadvertently enrolled me there. I was supposed to enroll at some computer program but computer courses are already closed so I was kinda’ forcefully enrolled in Paralegal Studies.

I’m scared because it is somewhat a writing class. And as you know, I don’t have that much confidence in my writing. I haven’t polished it off good back in my college days, no matter what my parents think.

Anyway, I’m gonna have a written assessment test later at 5 pm to see if I qualify for that course. I’m really somewhat terrified about this because I have no idea if I qualify.

Oh gosh. I figured this is my one and only chance to prove to the world the stuff I’m made of. I want to prove to my family, and most esp. to myself that I am good enough, that my writing is understandable enough to be involved in this course.

I know I’m gonna have a hard time. The program states that Students should be advised that this course involves substantial amounts of reading and writing. Whoa. Am I really qualified for this? I mean, sure I love reading. And sure I like writing. But am I good enough?

I really have a very low opinion of myself. It’s just that I’m scared of failing and disappointing my parents.

In the brochure, it states that one should have solid backgrounds in oral and written communication. I am good in the written part, but in the oral? Oh gosh. Did I tell you I’m afraid of being in the limelight? I have stage fright. I really hope this works out well for me.

Oh Lord, please help!

* * *

4:06pm

I’m going to VoTech now. I have never been so scared in my whole life. Thoughts of what if I fail? Keeps surging through my mind. What if indeed I do fail? What would I do then? And what if I passed? What about my plans of taking up nursing? Will I just abandon that? Will I just abandon my cousin when I kept her hopes up by saying I will be there with her, we will be working side by side, learning the intricacies of nursing. I promised her that we would make it together. But now, I am not keeping my promise, since I enrolled in Paralegal studies. Will she be angry with me then? So what am I going to do?

Should I tell her, my dad forced me to take up this course? And I had no say whatsoever about it? But that would be a lie. I want to take this program. My father just gave me the boost of confidence I badly needed. He didn’t force me. I like challenges. Yes, I am scared out of my wits right now. But you know what? I am also praying and hoping that I would pass the test. Because I want to try it. It is what I want.