I'm saying goodbye for now...

I have a lot of things keeping me busy, that I can't seem to find time to blog anymore.

So, for now, goodbye to my tiny space in the internet. I'll be back, I promise. Later than sooner though.

Bye! It's been nice. :)

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I'm tired of pretending. I realized that I've got to be true to myself now. I've been having these doubts for a long time now. And I can't ignore them anymore.

That song Cacophony that I posted way, way back holds true to what I'm feeling.

I don't love him. Maybe I never did.

Gaaaaddd, why do I have to hurt another person. I'm getting tired of this already.

I ought to be shot or stoned or hanged. Whatever. Just kill me now will you? I don't think I can bear to see the pain I am going to inflict on him through his blue, blue eyes.

:(((

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Something big is going to happen to my family!

And I'm so, so, so, so much excited. I could hardly contain my smile when I heard the news. And I was the first person in the family to know.

I did a little jitterbug on my way to my car. And I started singing! I was so darn happy!

I even told all my coworkers about it. I couldn't keep it to myself.

What is it? Er, sorry guys, I can't blurt it out just now. But I will... soon, I promise. :)

Happy happy happy happy! :)))))

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Sometimes I wish I'm a guy.

I don't know. Guys just seem to get the easier bargain on life - like they don't have to go through the pain when THAT TIME of the month comes.

Argh! Yesterday I woke up with an excruciating pain on my abdomen. I never really understood the definition of excruciating pain 'till I experienced it yesterday morning.

It started out with just an unpleasant throb. Unpleasant but bearable. Just like someone pinching your arm lightly over and over again. It's irritating but I could still tolerate it.

But then less than a minute of that, a sudden wave of nausea hit me. And then the pain. Oh god the pain. How can I even begin to describe it? If the pain has a sound, it would be the loud clanging of two cymbals over and over and over again. Or the screeching of the tires as they slip and slide through the icy road. Or the annoying barking of an angry dog. Or the loud crash of two cars as they hit each other, the screeching of metal on metal - you get the idea.

I curled in a fetal position for five minutes, trying to ease the pain. When I couldn't take it anymore I went downstairs to get something to eat and a pill to relieve the pain. But every step I took was torture. I walked with my back bent over, my hands gripping my abdomen. I felt the blood drain from my face, and it was as if I would faint right there on the cold kitchen floor.

I grabbed a banana and one glass of water and quickly went back to my room - or as quickly as I could get considering that each step I took was torment for me. I tried to eat the banana but I couldn't swallow even a teeny bit. I was so dizzy that the room looked like it was moving. I felt like I was in a boat.

I went to the bathroom and threw up what little banana I swallowed, and when that was all gone I still threw up whatever fluid was inside of me, and even when I felt I couldn't possibly throw up anymore, the bile seems to just want to come out.

When even the little energy I had left me, I slumped on the cold bathroom floor and just lay there for ten minutes or so. The pain didn't leave me yet. I was hoping that after all that vomitting I did, it would take with it the pain.

I rummaged through the medicine cabinet and found a pain reliever. And though I know it wouldn't be wise to take it without eating anything first, I said fuck it, I need to have it or else I'll die.

I think the medicine knocked me out, or maybe it was the pain. Because two hours later I woke up on my bed and the pain was gone. Although I still felt a little woozy, and my mouth felt like cotton.

Gah, they say that when you give birth, the pain would be ten times that of dysmennorhea. Gah, if that was the case, I don't think I ever want to have a baby anymore. I'll just adopt a kid. :#

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Why do I have the sudden urge to drop my Anatomy class? Argh!

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